Brain Dump

I've got so many random things running through my mind and so little space to store it all so I'm just going to spill it all out right here, lighten the load a little, and get back on the road.

SNOW
If only... I was working on the 2007 family scrapbook this weekend because I finally finished the Big Trip 2 albums and Bailey's album and because I had nothing better to do. No, that's not right. Because I was feeling really lazy and it was pretty much the only semi-productive thing I could do while staying in bed all day (I love my laptop!!!). So, you're wondering now where the snow part comes in, right? Well, in February of last year we got snow. Lots of snow! I know this because those are some of the pictures I was working with this weekend. While I was working, I could hear the sound of yet more rain falling outside. Buckets and buckets of rain. If it had been colder, we would've gotten an awesome blizzard. But no. All we got was more mud. I shouldn't complain because we need the precipitation regardless of the delivery format but mud is one of my least favorite parts of spring. Or in this case, a snowless winter. We were cheated out of our one good snowstorm that we are supposed to get every February. Just not fair.

FAMILY MOVIE NIGHT
We had to schedule it in but we finally had one. Ryan had been asking for at least a week. And we even managed to pick a movie that Felisa was willing to watch. Family Movie Night isn't much fun for me when I have a four-year old sitting on my lap complaining THE ENTIRE TIME that she doesn't like the movie and she wants to go to sleep but she can't sleep without me. I don't want to go upstairs to put the "baby" to sleep. I want to watch the movie! So, this weekend it was Toy Story 2. And she liked it. Didn't complain a single time. I fell asleep in the middle though. It's not like I haven't seen it before... Toy Story and Toy Story 2 were the only movies Ryan would watch and that's the only way I could get him to sleep without nursing him or having to walk him to sleep. So we watched those two movies over and over and over and over and over again. I could quote them line for line in my sleep. He did gradually branch out a bit. First we added Bugs Life (he likes Pixar!) and soon we moved into the "foo foo" stage (translation... Dogs) and it was any and all shows with a dog... Scooby Doo, Balto, Blue's Clues, etc, etc, etc. But I am digressing here aren't I? Okay. Family Movie Night. Good. Everyone enjoyed it.

HOMEWORK NIGHTMARES
I have been having completely crazy dreams every single night. I'm exhausted! And the line between dream and reality is starting to blur a bit. On of the dreams that I remember was the one where I got into trouble from Bella's teacher because we weren't doing our homework. Which is true. She hasn't been doing it and I haven't been asking her to do it. A combination of forgetfulness and laziness. Apparently I was feeling guilty for not doing my homework because I am now having nightmares about it. Bella did her homework yesterday. And she'll do it again today. I promise.

YEASTIE BEASTIES
The crazy dreams are related to the yeastie beasties I think. I have been drinking coffee but not in a way that would correlate to exhausting sleep with ridiculous dreams night after night after night. Of course I haven't done anything to combat them really so I have no one to blame but myself. I am a sugar addict. This revelation came to me one day as I was walking down the street. Probably dreaming about what sugary treat I was going to have next. Then I was reflecting on my inability to quit the sugar and stay away from it. I always come back. I say to myself that I could quit if I want to but I'm not so sure that's true. After all, I've quit at least 5 times in the last 4 years and I just keep going back. Maybe I need to find my self a Sugars Anonymous group and start going to meetings!


(Editor's note... What you are about to read is crazy and disjointed and not very well written. But if I don't get it out of my head, I will continue to obsess. Which means nothing else on my long list of daily and lifetime to-do's will get done. And I just might explode. So, read at your own risk or just skip it and come back another day for some lighter reading.)

THE SKY IS FALLING
or
STUPID HUMANS
or
I GIVE UP
How's that for positive thinking? A lot of things have been rolling around amongst the rocks in my head lately. I vascillate between believing and staying strong and leading by example and then the opposite as stated above.
People are greedy.
People don't think or don't care.
How hard is it to think about what you're doing, see the excess in it, and try to change it? Make one small tiny change at a time. It takes time. It doesn't happen overnight but if we don't even try, then we're hurting ourselves and everyone around us.
News stories about the traces of prescription drugs and other yucky things in the water. Which will make people drink bottled water. Which is a big time waste of plastic. And really the problem is our water source and how we treat it. The over use and abuse of things that can hurt us and the wildlife too. I can't even imagine the level of pesticides they would find. Google it and you can find studies that show pesticides and other awful things in the human bloodstream. We're poisoning ourselves. Too much of a good thing is not a good thing. I don't feel like plastic is bad in and of itself. Medicine is not bad. But the excessive use (esp. of plastic and pesticides) is awful. Oh and the marketing and the mass media of this capitalist society. Makes me want to go hide under a rock and cry.
Food that isn't even food anymore. I'm guilty of eating crap like McD's just like everyone else. I'm not claiming to be a saint. I struggle too and feel tremendous guilt. I go through phases of better and worse. But I'm aware. And I care. Does anyone else care?
I feel like I'm journeying alone. Because it is a journey. And one person can't do it alone. So where is everyone else? Peer pressure motivates me. It would be much easier for me to continue down the path of responsible plastic use, resource conservation, real and healthy food, etc. if everyone else was doing it too.
So what should I do? Keep going or give up? Ultimately I know I will keep going because I really believe it's true and important. But sometimes I just get so frustrated and discouraged.

I think we have lost touch with the real world, the natural world and we are slowly but surely killing ourselves off.

Plateau Already???

So I started my sugar-free candida diet on the first day of school, Sept. 4. I made remarkable progress in the weight-loss department and some progress in the yeast killing department. It has been only 2 weeks and I feel stalled out. Week 2 seems a bit early for a weight-loss plateau. For one thing, I am finding the weekends harder to stay strict to my restrictions. For another thing, my weight has been fluctuating back and forth between 172 and 173 for the past couple days which is making me crazy frustrated. My daily calorie intake is 1/2 to 2/3 of what is was over the past 6 months to a year at least. I have been exercising again, which had dropped off during the summer. I'm doing everything right and have what seems like nothing to show for it.

What is the cause? My little cheats? The carbs in my cheats could be disrupting the low-carb effects of the candida diet. Not drinking enough water? Hormones? Not nursing? The last time I did this battle with the yeasties beasties, I was nursing. Apparently that burns a whole lot more calories than I realized because last time it all just seemed to melt away - all 40 pounds of it.

Will I wake up one day and have dropped a pound or two? One can hope. In the meantime, I guess I'll just keep plugging away. On the plus side, I ate out twice today and still kept my calories to under 2000. Pretty darn remarkable if I do say so myself.

Oh and if you want to spy on me, here's a link to my FitDay journal.

A Trip to the Carnival

We went to the carnival last night. Splurged on the 50-ticket sheet that cost $40. I thought it would be nice for the whole family to ride the ferris wheel, and at 4 tickets a person, that was 20 tickets right there.

Pros:
*We rode the ferris wheel for 30 minutes (yes, I checked my watch). About 10 minutes of the actual continuously spinning ride and the rest of the time loading/unloading passengers, two gondolas at a time.
*None of us was too big or too small to ride.

Cons:
*We rode the ferris wheel for 30 minutes. 20 would have been plenty.
*There was a four passenger per gondola limit so we had to split up and couldn't ride together as a family.

So was it worth almost $20 to ride the ferris wheel? I think so. It was the first time for all of the kids. There was a nice breeze and it was fun to look down over the park and the people below. Of course, it may not be worth $20 to do it again next year. We may try the "ride all night for $20" night next year. Three kids times $20 is $60. Which seems like a lot. But we ended up spending almost that much anyway if you add in the snacks and the attempts to win a goldfish. And the kids only had 3 rides each other than the ferris wheel. If it was ride all night, they could go through the mirrored fun house to their hearts content. Although it wouldn't be cost effective for Felisa to go on the $20 night since she's only tall enough for about 2 of the rides. Do you think she'll be 42" by next fall? Probably not.

All said and done, it was a nice couple of hours. It was pure torture to watch Felisa eating her melting ice cream cone. I wanted so bad to just lick it a few times to stop the drips. But I didn't. I did eat a couple of Ron's nachos though... those were borderline forbidden foods unlike the death-on-a-cone ice cream. Or should it be life-on-a-cone since it would feed the yeastie beasties and let them live to see another day?!

So Far It's Working...

Well, the very special, eat-nothing-and-be-very-hungry candida diet is working. I'm down 3 pounds this week and am slightly less itchy. I am not any less witchy yet but hopefully that will come. :)

As I swallow the tastes-like-dirt supplements I remind myself that this is for my health. I want to be healthier. I do. But in the meantime I also want donuts and cake and bread. And coffee... don't forget the coffee. But, since I am incapable of drinking it without sugar, I will no longer drink it. I'm feeling better today than earlier in the week. I may even be productive today. On Wednesday, after sending all the kids to school, I ran two errands then came home to take a nap. So, a little less than productive this week but hopefully that will all change once I get used to my new eating habits and evict a few more of the Yeastie Beasties.

Now off to pretend to be productive... My kitchen corner shelf arrived yesterday. I wasn't expecting it until Monday so maybe I'll have to tackle the kitchen today instead of ignoring it for a few more days. Maybe I'll even finish it sometime soon so I can progress to the next room on the list. Any votes on where to go next?

The Possibilities Are Endless...

The first day of school... for two out of three anyway...

Despite the insane first day of school traffic and parking issues, Felisa and I were able to drop Ryan and Bella off for their first day of school. Second grade in a classroom UPSTAIRS - wow, the big leagues! And all-day Kindergarten. All day. As in whatever am I going to do for the next six and a half hours. Bella decided she could walk to class by herself even though Ryan offered to walk with her. I did ask him to walk with her to the stairs so that I would know she was headed in the right direction. And so they went... It seems strange to have two of them gone all day long but I feel much more comfortable with things now that I've been through it once already. There is less UNKNOWN to stress me out.

So... that leaves Felisa and I. She was sad this morning that I wasn't packing a lunch for her and that she wasn't going to school today. She immediately cheered up when I told her she could go to the Donut Store with me instead. Because really, donuts are way better than school. At 0930 we were done shopping. Which leaves 6 hours until we pick up the other kids. I'm sure I will soon be used to it but for now that 6 hours stretches out before me with so many possibilities... we could go to WV even and still be back in time. We won't. But we could!

So far Felisa has played Scooby Doo (with me), put together a puzzle (by herself), and is playing upstairs. I've boiled some eggs (need some quick no-sugar, no-wheat breakfasts now that the Yeast Wars have begun in earnest once more today), put away the groceries, talked to Shani on the phone, ate a snack of 3 baby carrots dipped in hummus, and considered cleaning my office.

3 1/2 hours to go... soon it will be time for lunch and a trip to the library and dry cleaners. Or maybe just to the library. We have to leave something for Thursday's entertainment!

Oh and in case you're curious... you can check out my FitDay food journal here. I've joined a 10-day challenge at Shrinking Mom to log what we eat for 10 days. You can view previous entries also and see what a difference the yeast wars makes to my diet. I usually eat without even trying as many calories as I've had so far today, even with my Starbucks (sort-of) cheat sugar-free soy latte. Amazing. And what would be even more amazing would be if I lost weight again like I did the first time. I've found though, that to keep it off, I can't go back to my old ways. The Yeast will find me again like it did this time. I can do it.

Pink Girl

I often manipulate, I mean guide, my children by giving them choices. As in... choose what I want you to do/have or else choose nothing. For example, you may have carrots for snack or nothing for snack. Choices are important, after all. That way they feel in control even though they aren't.

Unfortunately, Felisa has been paying attention. She has discovered the pattern. She wanted to wear pink today (which happens almost everyday!). As happens more than I like (I am the Queen of Matchy-Matchy after all), she chooses tops and bottoms that don't quite go together. Her pinks just weren't jiving so I offered to help. How about this nice pink shirt with a flower on it... goes great with these pink flower shorts! A match made in heaven! But no. Felisa says I want to be just plain. Okay then... how about these pretty (mostly pink) striped shorts to go with that plain pink shirt? Nope. The choice was plain pink or nothing. Which is pretty much almost exactly what she said to me. Alrighty then... I think I'm in control but really I'm not. Obviously.

In other news...

My children seem to have bladders of steel. A few other children we know will have to go potty almost immediately after drinking. Not my kids. Oh no. They can go practically all day without a potty break. Unless of course we are headed up a mountain pass with no shoulders or other stopping places available... then it's an emergency! I would say that falls into the Murphy's Law subset of Steel Bladders. Corey is here this morning and has had to go potty twice in the past half an hour. Not just any potty but dancing all around the bathroom, HURRY I GOTTA GO, potty. I asked him how many gallons of juice he drank this morning. He said Cranberry Juice. Still don't know how much (probably only one cup!) but I don't think he qualifies for the Bladders of Steel Club.

It's time to do the laundry... How do I know?
Sign #1: After Ron left for work this morning I discovered the basket of clean laundry dumped out on the bed. Which means his underwear drawer is empty. On the plus side, there is clean underwear available... just not where it belongs.
Sign #2: When I went to take a shower I realized my towel is still downstairs in the dryer. Along with all the kitchen towels and washclothes. But that's okay - I didn't do the dishes last night anyway so I hadn't missed them yet.
Sign #3: The dirty baskets are full. Instantaneously since Ryan had been building a stockpile of dirty laundry in his room. Putting his clean clothes away is usually how I discover Mt. Laundry (he's supposed to be putting them in the central laundry baskets daily but that doesn't always happen...). I haven't folded any laundry in, well, in a while, so I haven't been to that side of his room (the view of Mt Laundry is conveniently blocked by the bed so no one will see it unless you go all the way in). Now that the mountain has been relocated to my bathroom, it is most definitely time to do the laundry.
Maybe I'll even fold it and put it away this time. Maybe.

The Tale of the Town of BeetleBug... done. The Tale of the Town of Pumpernickel is coming up next. This is where Ryan's transformatron robots live. I'm not sure of all the details (my eyes tend to glaze over mid-story) but it involves tricking people into looking for the enemy in false locations. Mt. Everest... Eiffel Tower... I don't know. You'll have to check with Ryan to get the whole story.

Okay kids are hungry... time for a break.

One hour later... snack has been prepared and devoured. Corey has had another potty break. :) The dishes are done. The Play Triangle (similar to a love triangle but slightly different) of Ryan-Bella-Kana has been moderated. Dinner is started in the crockpot... taco night! Turns out we're out of coffee... found the empty bag on the counter amidst the dishes. Guess I'll have to go to the store after all. I need lettuce for the tacos. (I planted a fall crop of lettuce yesterday but I'm pretty sure it's not ready to pick yet!) I was going to text Shani and ask her to bring some (along with lunch for her) when she comes back from work so I wouldn't have to go immediately to the store but now that we need coffee also I'll have to go to the store anyway. Now the question is when will I go. I have to stop by the library today or tomorrow to return videos. We have uniform pickup for Bella tonight (conveniently located next to the laundry). I also need to get a 2008 calendar now that our schedules for the year are starting to come in. Looking back over the last few years' calendars it looks like Bella's turn to pick and next year will be Felisa. Which means we should go to the mall sometime this week. And while we're there I'll get the rest of Bailey's thank you gift for Grandma D. We could go to the library and the mall tonight after uniforms. Tomorrow morning the TV repairmen are coming back - alleluia - to install the repaired mother board. Which means we will have to spend the rest of the day watching TV in the TV room since we've been without it for over 3 weeks now. (Not without TV entirely of course - that would most certainly be torture - just TV in the main watching room.) No time for errands tomorrow.

And still more exciting news in the life of me... I think the yeastie beasties are back in full strength. I've had a feeling for awhile now that they are still hanging around but have been trying to ignore them. After some internet research on recurring canker sores as a symptom of candida (I've lost count I've had so many in the last couple months) I think it's time to go to battle. I've set the first day of school as my sugar-free start date. It's not going to be easy but I really wouldn't mind being happy and healthy again. And hopefully skinny and cute but that's partially another issue.

And now I'm off to... well, off to do something anyway! Never a dull moment!