Stuck

Stuck between a rock and a hard place.

 

Stand by for a session full of woe-is-me full-on whining.  It ain't pretty but sometimes I just gotta get it out.  World's tiniest violin, stand by!

 

1.  I have no energy.

I have no energy because I am not eating right. I also have no energy TO eat right.  Rock, meet hard place.  Hard place, meet Rock.

 

2.  I also feel lacking in the focus and motivation departments.  I suspect this is closely tied to #1 above.

 

3.  My photoshop program won't activate.  Because it's too old.  But I need the program to edit photos for a client's scrapbook project which is so far past deadline I can no longer even see the deadline in my rear-view mirror.  Also, the photo editing is one of the few off-line tasks I can accomplish when sitting in my home-away-from-home-old-faithful-God-love-it-minivan while waiting for my precious offspring to partake in the activities du jour.  I need to be productive while waiting in the parking lot because...

 

4.  I have no time.

Actually, I probably do have time.  What I really have is a time management problem.  This is a recurring theme for me and not really sure what the answer is to this.  It is also related to #1 and #2 above.  Sometimes I stand in my house thinking to myself that I have so many things I should be doing and I don't know where to start.  And then I give up and go back to bed to play games on my iPad.  See- time MANAGEMENT problems.   Lack of focus and lack of motivation and lack of energy also.

 

5.  My better half is halfway around the world.  None of these problems are new and he cannot solve any of these problems (well, maybe the photoshop problem.  And I've just emailed him about that.  He should be awake in another hour or two and I'm sure he will be quite happy(!) to see a cheerful computer problems email waiting for him.), however these problems seem easier to bear when there is a living, breathing, more-responsible-than-I, adult sleeping next to me.

 

6.  I'm feeling in limbo. 

Again.  Or still.  We have been here for two full years.  It is now our last year before we move again.  Which means it is time to start disengaging while also trying to experience all the "last time we will do (blank)" here.  But I also feel like there isn't much to disengage from since I never got fully engaged to begin with.  Not enough time.  Not so much interest from most of the people around us.  I feel like I have 2 friends that will miss me perhaps a tiny bit (and who I will miss and will be happy to have added to my lifetime of friends list).  And lots of acquaintances for whom we are just a blip on the radar.  It is time to look forward to what's next.  I find myself feeling ambivalent about what's next.  We're going back to somewhere we lived before.  I've never done that before.  I'm not sure how it works.  I feel like I should be excited (and would've been excited a year ago probably) but I'm not.  I'll be glad to see a few of my bestest friends again but that's it.  Everything else feels like a take-it-or-leave-it.  Which seems strange considering how hard it was to leave just 2 years (and a couple months) ago.

 

 7.  My house looks like a bomb exploded.  A really BIG bomb.  See #1, 2, and 3 above.  Are you seeing a pattern here?  Something along the lines of "life is hard so quitcher whinin' and get on with it already!"  The dishwasher is broken (still - since sometime last spring) and I have a pile of clean laundry in the living room and several piles of dirty laundry in the laundry room.  The floor hasn't been cleaned in months.  My carpet is dog-hair colored decorated with bits of string chewed off of Rocco's rope toys and littered with very sharp nylon bones.  But on the plus side, I made birthday snacks to take to school for Bella's birthday yesterday and got every one of them to every scheduled activity mostly on time and fed them dinner.  But that's ALL I managed to accomplish and that's just not enough.  I'm losing ground.  Sinking slowly in the quicksand of life.

 

8.  It's time to drive Bella to art and Ryan to guitar (where I will NOT be editing photos thanks for nothing you rotten photoshop) and back to art to pick up Bella then home for a nutritious dinner of beanie weenies and bakery-sale-rack corn muffins.  Then drive Ryan to church for a Boy scout service activity.  Then home again probably then back to pick him up an hour later.

 

But #8 is good news because that means the whine-fest is over!  Whew.  Such a fun ride, no?  Now move along people.  Nothing to see here...  move along...