The hard goodbyes and wonderful hellos of the military life...
A comment made by a friend on Facebook, a career Naval officer currently serving a (recently extended) remote duty tour on Diego Garcia. It just really struck me and resonated for me. So true. The goodbyes are so hard but the trade off is all the wonderful hellos that you never would've had otherwise. A hard life in many ways and yet a blessed way of life too. I am grateful to have had so many wonderful experiences and seen so many places thanks in part to the nomadic military life I have lived, first as a dependent, then as an active service member, and now as a dependent once again.
Showing posts with label It's all about ME. Show all posts
Showing posts with label It's all about ME. Show all posts
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Stuck
Stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Stand by for a session full of woe-is-me full-on whining. It ain't pretty but sometimes I just gotta get it out. World's tiniest violin, stand by!
1. I have no energy.
I have no energy because I am not eating right. I also have no energy TO eat right. Rock, meet hard place. Hard place, meet Rock.
2. I also feel lacking in the focus and motivation departments. I suspect this is closely tied to #1 above.
3. My photoshop program won't activate. Because it's too old. But I need the program to edit photos for a client's scrapbook project which is so far past deadline I can no longer even see the deadline in my rear-view mirror. Also, the photo editing is one of the few off-line tasks I can accomplish when sitting in my home-away-from-home-old-faithful-God-love-it-minivan while waiting for my precious offspring to partake in the activities du jour. I need to be productive while waiting in the parking lot because...
4. I have no time.
Actually, I probably do have time. What I really have is a time management problem. This is a recurring theme for me and not really sure what the answer is to this. It is also related to #1 and #2 above. Sometimes I stand in my house thinking to myself that I have so many things I should be doing and I don't know where to start. And then I give up and go back to bed to play games on my iPad. See- time MANAGEMENT problems. Lack of focus and lack of motivation and lack of energy also.
5. My better half is halfway around the world. None of these problems are new and he cannot solve any of these problems (well, maybe the photoshop problem. And I've just emailed him about that. He should be awake in another hour or two and I'm sure he will be quite happy(!) to see a cheerful computer problems email waiting for him.), however these problems seem easier to bear when there is a living, breathing, more-responsible-than-I, adult sleeping next to me.
6. I'm feeling in limbo.
Again. Or still. We have been here for two full years. It is now our last year before we move again. Which means it is time to start disengaging while also trying to experience all the "last time we will do (blank)" here. But I also feel like there isn't much to disengage from since I never got fully engaged to begin with. Not enough time. Not so much interest from most of the people around us. I feel like I have 2 friends that will miss me perhaps a tiny bit (and who I will miss and will be happy to have added to my lifetime of friends list). And lots of acquaintances for whom we are just a blip on the radar. It is time to look forward to what's next. I find myself feeling ambivalent about what's next. We're going back to somewhere we lived before. I've never done that before. I'm not sure how it works. I feel like I should be excited (and would've been excited a year ago probably) but I'm not. I'll be glad to see a few of my bestest friends again but that's it. Everything else feels like a take-it-or-leave-it. Which seems strange considering how hard it was to leave just 2 years (and a couple months) ago.
7. My house looks like a bomb exploded. A really BIG bomb. See #1, 2, and 3 above. Are you seeing a pattern here? Something along the lines of "life is hard so quitcher whinin' and get on with it already!" The dishwasher is broken (still - since sometime last spring) and I have a pile of clean laundry in the living room and several piles of dirty laundry in the laundry room. The floor hasn't been cleaned in months. My carpet is dog-hair colored decorated with bits of string chewed off of Rocco's rope toys and littered with very sharp nylon bones. But on the plus side, I made birthday snacks to take to school for Bella's birthday yesterday and got every one of them to every scheduled activity mostly on time and fed them dinner. But that's ALL I managed to accomplish and that's just not enough. I'm losing ground. Sinking slowly in the quicksand of life.
8. It's time to drive Bella to art and Ryan to guitar (where I will NOT be editing photos thanks for nothing you rotten photoshop) and back to art to pick up Bella then home for a nutritious dinner of beanie weenies and bakery-sale-rack corn muffins. Then drive Ryan to church for a Boy scout service activity. Then home again probably then back to pick him up an hour later.
But #8 is good news because that means the whine-fest is over! Whew. Such a fun ride, no? Now move along people. Nothing to see here... move along...
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
A couple interesting things that happened today...
1. The Egyptian busboy at Panera tried to pick me up today. Apparently I have broken his heart by being already married. I did get some free coffee out of the deal though! It has been awhile since a guy has hit on me...
2. Found a dead robin on the porch after school. There have been quite a few birds hitting the window lately. Guess this guy (or gal?) hit it a bit too hard. Luckily I spotted it before I let Darby out so I could remove the body before he tried to eat it. Ick!
*****
In other news...
*We are estimated to be 2,000 lbs overweight for our upcoming move. Looks like I'm not the only one who needs to go on a diet - our house does too! Makes me think of that book "Does this clutter make my butt look big?"
*Only two days left for me at school. We have had the best class on the planet this year (so blessed!) and I am just so sad to see it end. I'm going to miss all my kids and my teacher SO SO much!
*The stress is getting to me. I've cried four times in the past two days. I can only imagine how many more tears there are to come before it's all said and done.
*My sick and dying laptop is scheduled to be ready for pickup by Friday. Hope all my stuff survived! Now I need to get to work on a client digi book right away amongst all the other stuff I have to do.
*I think someone needs to just come and take my kids and my schedule away for the next month so I can focus on the thousands upon thousands of things I have yet to do in preparation for the move. I'm never going to make it!
*I had a bad compost experience today. Made me want to yak! Guess it's time to put the compost crock away until we get to the new place. Neglecting it makes for bad news!
*I'm ready to empty my freezer. Who wants it? (The food, not the freezer!)
1. The Egyptian busboy at Panera tried to pick me up today. Apparently I have broken his heart by being already married. I did get some free coffee out of the deal though! It has been awhile since a guy has hit on me...
2. Found a dead robin on the porch after school. There have been quite a few birds hitting the window lately. Guess this guy (or gal?) hit it a bit too hard. Luckily I spotted it before I let Darby out so I could remove the body before he tried to eat it. Ick!
*****
In other news...
*We are estimated to be 2,000 lbs overweight for our upcoming move. Looks like I'm not the only one who needs to go on a diet - our house does too! Makes me think of that book "Does this clutter make my butt look big?"
*Only two days left for me at school. We have had the best class on the planet this year (so blessed!) and I am just so sad to see it end. I'm going to miss all my kids and my teacher SO SO much!
*The stress is getting to me. I've cried four times in the past two days. I can only imagine how many more tears there are to come before it's all said and done.
*My sick and dying laptop is scheduled to be ready for pickup by Friday. Hope all my stuff survived! Now I need to get to work on a client digi book right away amongst all the other stuff I have to do.
*I think someone needs to just come and take my kids and my schedule away for the next month so I can focus on the thousands upon thousands of things I have yet to do in preparation for the move. I'm never going to make it!
*I had a bad compost experience today. Made me want to yak! Guess it's time to put the compost crock away until we get to the new place. Neglecting it makes for bad news!
*I'm ready to empty my freezer. Who wants it? (The food, not the freezer!)
Friday, October 01, 2010
Life just isn't fair. It's Pajama Day in Mrs. Pant's class. That part is good. The part that isn't so good is the part where I woke up at 0545 to go work out then walk the dog then take a shower so that I could put my pajamas back on to go to work. When the kids went to pajama day, they always got to sleep in then go to school in the pj's they already had on. Not fair!
In other news... there was apparently a Rubber Duckie Convention in the shower last night. This morning they were all still there. Uncle Sam with his 3 Secret Service Ducks wearing sunglasses. A random duck. And Party Duck. Who apparently had a GREAT time at the convention last night because he was head down in the shower bucket. Ha! For whatever reason, I find that very funny. Maybe that's why I love working in a preschool - it takes so little to entertain me!
So now I'm off to work in my PJ's followed by lunch at Sonic! Woo hoo!
In other news... there was apparently a Rubber Duckie Convention in the shower last night. This morning they were all still there. Uncle Sam with his 3 Secret Service Ducks wearing sunglasses. A random duck. And Party Duck. Who apparently had a GREAT time at the convention last night because he was head down in the shower bucket. Ha! For whatever reason, I find that very funny. Maybe that's why I love working in a preschool - it takes so little to entertain me!
So now I'm off to work in my PJ's followed by lunch at Sonic! Woo hoo!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
My Bucket
My goals... my values... my bucket of time...
Spending some time today working through this. It's a new year (the fall always seems like a second New Year to me, a chance to start over AGAIN and hopefully get it right this time) and time to think about how I'd like it to go.
My values...
*Home and Family, Love and Friends... these are a source of encouragement, joy, laughter, and support as well as a refuge from the wild and crazy world. I tend to be a home-body. I want to be at home, in my home, surrounded by the people (family AND friends) who love me. Home is comfortable. Home can be relaxing and quiet or it can be filled with laughter and good company. Home is where my heart is. It is where I start from and where I come back to.
*Responsibility... I have a responsibility to fulfill my obligations. I have a responsibility to care for my world and those that are in it. We have a responsibility to each other as human beings to help each other out. We're in this together.
*Flexibility, Patience, Politeness, Helpfulness, and a Sense of Humor... all key ingredients to a successful, harmonious existence on this wild ride known as life.
*Nature... being outside (in non-humid, non-mosquito infested weather!) in the quiet and peace of nature brings peace to my soul. I'm trying my best to tread lightly and to help others to do the same.
My goals...
(compiled via a quick-n-dirty 60-second write-down-the-first-thing-that-comes-to-mind session)
*Lose 10-15 pounds (always a goal of mine, especially at the end of each summer when I have gained lots of road trip vacation weight and haven't been exercising regularly!). Related goals: Training for the Turkey Trot 5k in November. I can't remember the last time I actually went out jogging...
*Create and maintain a clean, workable scrapbook workspace so that I can use it whenever I feel so inspired, rather than dreading it or avoiding it altogether. This one feels particularly daunting and impossible. Very Mount Everest-ish.
*Spend more time on various personal scrapbook projects. There are so many things on my list that I'd love to scrap but never seem to have the time. When I do have the time (or the inspiration), I am thwarted by the Scrapbooking Pit of Despair (see prior goal).
*Create and maintain a more orderly home environment. (Talk about shooting for the moon! This is also a very Mount Everest-ish task in my mind. I'm not the best housekeeper and the clutter has been building up for 10 years now.)
*Spend quality time with myself and with my family without constantly thinking about what else I need to be or should be doing, those undone tasks on my to-do list looming over me. Essentially I think I am looking for BALANCE. I don't wish to give up my activities outside the home (at least not all of them) because they satisfy my need to contribute, to help out, to be involved, and to be with people. But I also need to be at home and be mentally engaged with my family. I think finding a balance that works for me and works for my family will be a tough one.
I need to be more aware of each moment and how I am spending my time. Try to keep in mind where I'm at and where I'm trying to go and whether or not my choices will get me there. Specifically I need to better manage my time alone, my time not spent on household chores and other calendar commitments. I often have difficulty in just getting started as well as difficulty in maintaining forward progress continuously over time. I am an object at rest, that if given a choice, would prefer to stay at rest. Somehow I need to apply force regularly to overcome that inherent inertia. Deadlines help me ultimately finish a job but more specifically, deadlines set by others (rather than by me). Accountability to others. A sense of "we're in this together" and positive encouragement also help.
I want to be able to do it all. But I can't. It's impossible. All I can hope for is the ability to do it better. And so I am hoping by being more conscious of my time and how I am spending it, I will better balance what I have going at the moment without having to give too much up.
Is it hopeless?
[Why I enjoy scrapbooking...
(thought I should expand on this since it is mentioned twice in my goals above)
I enjoy the beauty and asthetics of it - putting together all the pretty papers and colors and accents. I also really enjoy the relationship aspect of it. When I'm working in my scrapbooks, I am also spending time with family and friends and loved ones, via the memories in my mind. It is a form of time together, or at least so it seems to me. An extension of the pleasure I get from spending time hanging out with people and being together with people. Capturing the stories and the memories then being able to share them again each time the books are reviewed. Why I enjoy doing books for others? I want them to have the same opportunity to open a book and share the memories.]
Spending some time today working through this. It's a new year (the fall always seems like a second New Year to me, a chance to start over AGAIN and hopefully get it right this time) and time to think about how I'd like it to go.
My values...
*Home and Family, Love and Friends... these are a source of encouragement, joy, laughter, and support as well as a refuge from the wild and crazy world. I tend to be a home-body. I want to be at home, in my home, surrounded by the people (family AND friends) who love me. Home is comfortable. Home can be relaxing and quiet or it can be filled with laughter and good company. Home is where my heart is. It is where I start from and where I come back to.
*Responsibility... I have a responsibility to fulfill my obligations. I have a responsibility to care for my world and those that are in it. We have a responsibility to each other as human beings to help each other out. We're in this together.
*Flexibility, Patience, Politeness, Helpfulness, and a Sense of Humor... all key ingredients to a successful, harmonious existence on this wild ride known as life.
*Nature... being outside (in non-humid, non-mosquito infested weather!) in the quiet and peace of nature brings peace to my soul. I'm trying my best to tread lightly and to help others to do the same.
My goals...
(compiled via a quick-n-dirty 60-second write-down-the-first-thing-that-comes-to-mind session)
*Lose 10-15 pounds (always a goal of mine, especially at the end of each summer when I have gained lots of road trip vacation weight and haven't been exercising regularly!). Related goals: Training for the Turkey Trot 5k in November. I can't remember the last time I actually went out jogging...
*Create and maintain a clean, workable scrapbook workspace so that I can use it whenever I feel so inspired, rather than dreading it or avoiding it altogether. This one feels particularly daunting and impossible. Very Mount Everest-ish.
*Spend more time on various personal scrapbook projects. There are so many things on my list that I'd love to scrap but never seem to have the time. When I do have the time (or the inspiration), I am thwarted by the Scrapbooking Pit of Despair (see prior goal).
*Create and maintain a more orderly home environment. (Talk about shooting for the moon! This is also a very Mount Everest-ish task in my mind. I'm not the best housekeeper and the clutter has been building up for 10 years now.)
*Spend quality time with myself and with my family without constantly thinking about what else I need to be or should be doing, those undone tasks on my to-do list looming over me. Essentially I think I am looking for BALANCE. I don't wish to give up my activities outside the home (at least not all of them) because they satisfy my need to contribute, to help out, to be involved, and to be with people. But I also need to be at home and be mentally engaged with my family. I think finding a balance that works for me and works for my family will be a tough one.
I need to be more aware of each moment and how I am spending my time. Try to keep in mind where I'm at and where I'm trying to go and whether or not my choices will get me there. Specifically I need to better manage my time alone, my time not spent on household chores and other calendar commitments. I often have difficulty in just getting started as well as difficulty in maintaining forward progress continuously over time. I am an object at rest, that if given a choice, would prefer to stay at rest. Somehow I need to apply force regularly to overcome that inherent inertia. Deadlines help me ultimately finish a job but more specifically, deadlines set by others (rather than by me). Accountability to others. A sense of "we're in this together" and positive encouragement also help.
I want to be able to do it all. But I can't. It's impossible. All I can hope for is the ability to do it better. And so I am hoping by being more conscious of my time and how I am spending it, I will better balance what I have going at the moment without having to give too much up.
Is it hopeless?
[Why I enjoy scrapbooking...
(thought I should expand on this since it is mentioned twice in my goals above)
I enjoy the beauty and asthetics of it - putting together all the pretty papers and colors and accents. I also really enjoy the relationship aspect of it. When I'm working in my scrapbooks, I am also spending time with family and friends and loved ones, via the memories in my mind. It is a form of time together, or at least so it seems to me. An extension of the pleasure I get from spending time hanging out with people and being together with people. Capturing the stories and the memories then being able to share them again each time the books are reviewed. Why I enjoy doing books for others? I want them to have the same opportunity to open a book and share the memories.]
Friday, April 10, 2009
I have wrinkles!
As I put my contacts in this morning, I noticed two deep wrinkle between my eyebrows. I've never noticed them before. Above those two newbies, I have a set of lines creasing my forehead. Holy Cow! Where did they all come from all of a sudden? Perhaps the solution to this problem is to go without my glasses or contacts. If I cannot see them, they do not exist.
A possible cause of all these wrinkles? I have buttermilk in my refrigerator. I need to use it up TODAY (or tomorrow). I need bread TODAY. Every single stinkin' buttermilk bread recipe I can find calls for bread flour. I DON'T HAVE ANY BREAD FLOUR!!! Seriously, Universe. Work with me a little here!
In other news, my toes are freezing. I bet getting out of my pj's and into some clothes (and socks and maybe even shoes!) would solve that problem. Why yes, it is almost noon. Why do you ask?
I scrapbooked this week. Digital AND old-fashioned. Yea! I'd love to just scrap all day for a couple weeks. And really I should since I have two client books to finish and soon. Before they put out a hit on me!
Hannah Montana's latest movie is in theaters now. Bella told me. Guess who's NOT going to see it. If you guessed us, then you win a prize. Ding, ding, ding! Stop by anytime to pick out your favorite dust bunny from my filthy, cluttered house. You won't find any in the kids' rooms though because those rooms are CLEAN. And ORGANIZED!
I'm hungry. Maybe because all I've had to eat today is, well, nothing. But I did drink a cup of sugar and fat-filled coffee. But after all the DELICIOUS junk food I ate yesterday (I heart Sonic. And Schlotsky's. And Sonic!) I probably shouldn't eat all day. And it's Good Friday. So I probably shouldn't eat all day what with the fasting and all. And speaking of fasting, I probably shouldn't be online. Oops! Oh and I had a dream last night that I gained 5 pounds in one day. Hmm. Maybe I ate too much yesterday...
And on that note, I'm outta here. Until next time...
-The Wrinkled Fairy
A possible cause of all these wrinkles? I have buttermilk in my refrigerator. I need to use it up TODAY (or tomorrow). I need bread TODAY. Every single stinkin' buttermilk bread recipe I can find calls for bread flour. I DON'T HAVE ANY BREAD FLOUR!!! Seriously, Universe. Work with me a little here!
In other news, my toes are freezing. I bet getting out of my pj's and into some clothes (and socks and maybe even shoes!) would solve that problem. Why yes, it is almost noon. Why do you ask?
I scrapbooked this week. Digital AND old-fashioned. Yea! I'd love to just scrap all day for a couple weeks. And really I should since I have two client books to finish and soon. Before they put out a hit on me!
Hannah Montana's latest movie is in theaters now. Bella told me. Guess who's NOT going to see it. If you guessed us, then you win a prize. Ding, ding, ding! Stop by anytime to pick out your favorite dust bunny from my filthy, cluttered house. You won't find any in the kids' rooms though because those rooms are CLEAN. And ORGANIZED!
I'm hungry. Maybe because all I've had to eat today is, well, nothing. But I did drink a cup of sugar and fat-filled coffee. But after all the DELICIOUS junk food I ate yesterday (I heart Sonic. And Schlotsky's. And Sonic!) I probably shouldn't eat all day. And it's Good Friday. So I probably shouldn't eat all day what with the fasting and all. And speaking of fasting, I probably shouldn't be online. Oops! Oh and I had a dream last night that I gained 5 pounds in one day. Hmm. Maybe I ate too much yesterday...
And on that note, I'm outta here. Until next time...
-The Wrinkled Fairy
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Movie Madness
I went to the movies yesterday. Twice.
I still can hardly believe it - twice in one day. Me. At the movie theater.
First I went with Grandpa R and Melissa and the kids to see Wall-E. Good Disney-Pixar flick. I noticed the Disney Castle logo scene before the movie has been redone with fancy computer graphics. And the Magician short before the movie - Hilarious! We were all cracking up. Feels good to laugh like that.
I enjoyed the earth conservation and anti-consumerism messages of Wall-E. And by the end of the movie I could totally relate to the Gene Shallit review of "for a movie with only two words spoken throughout, it was surprisingly good." After about the first 20 minutes of the movie (in which there are only two robots and only two words!) Felisa asked, "Is this it? Just a movie with two robots?!?" The lady sitting in front of us was laughing at that one.
Next on the list - a "date" with Shani. She ended up with free movie tickets from the grocery store about a month ago. It was my last night with in-house babysitting so we decided to go for it. Off to the 8 p.m. showing of Sex and the City. As we were sitting in the theater waiting for the movie to start, I remarked that this is the second rated R movie I have been to in the last month. Whoa! I'm really getting crazy now! The movie was good. Then we hit the bar for drinks and dessert at 11. P.M.! On a Monday night! And the really crazy thing was that there were other people there too and children as well (well the kids weren't at the bar but were outside in the mall area). Crazy, crazy world!
And now I am off to take Darby to the vet for a checkup and shots. We'll see if he still likes car rides after this!
*Edited to add... Ron went to the movies last night too, down in Tampa. He saw Wanted. His review: Decent action flick.
I still can hardly believe it - twice in one day. Me. At the movie theater.
First I went with Grandpa R and Melissa and the kids to see Wall-E. Good Disney-Pixar flick. I noticed the Disney Castle logo scene before the movie has been redone with fancy computer graphics. And the Magician short before the movie - Hilarious! We were all cracking up. Feels good to laugh like that.
I enjoyed the earth conservation and anti-consumerism messages of Wall-E. And by the end of the movie I could totally relate to the Gene Shallit review of "for a movie with only two words spoken throughout, it was surprisingly good." After about the first 20 minutes of the movie (in which there are only two robots and only two words!) Felisa asked, "Is this it? Just a movie with two robots?!?" The lady sitting in front of us was laughing at that one.
Next on the list - a "date" with Shani. She ended up with free movie tickets from the grocery store about a month ago. It was my last night with in-house babysitting so we decided to go for it. Off to the 8 p.m. showing of Sex and the City. As we were sitting in the theater waiting for the movie to start, I remarked that this is the second rated R movie I have been to in the last month. Whoa! I'm really getting crazy now! The movie was good. Then we hit the bar for drinks and dessert at 11. P.M.! On a Monday night! And the really crazy thing was that there were other people there too and children as well (well the kids weren't at the bar but were outside in the mall area). Crazy, crazy world!
And now I am off to take Darby to the vet for a checkup and shots. We'll see if he still likes car rides after this!
*Edited to add... Ron went to the movies last night too, down in Tampa. He saw Wanted. His review: Decent action flick.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
My Neuroses
Mama Llama tagged me for a meme... challenged me to open myself to scrutiny and come clean... admit once and for all that I am, in fact, not normal.
Really? She must not know me for I am as crazy as they come! :)
I have been pondering this challenge in the back of my mind for close to a week now. As unbelievable as it seems, at first I could think of nothing. Maybe she's wrong. Maybe we're both wrong. I have nothing weird to tell about myself. But as time passed and I continued to think about it, more and more of my neuroses came back to me. Things I usually try to ignore. Things that I will now share with you...
1. I don't like to be late to the movies. I want to be in my seat with my popcorn or nachos and soda at least 5 minutes before the previews start. I can't help it. That's just the way I am. Ron and I went to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall this weekend - our first movie at the theater in quite awhile - and we were going to be late (in my opinion) and I was fussing about it. Turns out we made it before the previews started. Phew!
2. I don't like loud noises. We went to a local outdoor concert last Friday - Mama Llama and other friends love it but this was my first time actually making it to a concert. My very first thought as I opened the car door, at least a block away from the concert, was Wow! That is really loud! It didn't get any quieter. I'm pretty sure I won't be going to another concert here. The only reason I am going is to hang out with my friends but I ended up not enjoying myself. I'd rather spend time with my friends somewhere quieter. I resisted sitting at the bar at the local favorite restaurant for quite awhile because it was so loud and hard to talk. I have since become a convert but the noise at the bar is nothing compared to the noise from the concert.
3. Not a fan of crowds... Nope. Hate 'em in fact.
4. Fireworks make me nervous. There have been a few minor incidents in my past. Plus... fireworks are loud. Those really loud bright white boomers - hate them! They give me a tummy ache. Interestingly enough, those are Ron's favorite type. I love the lights of the fireworks though. Just hate the sound. Oh and I believe in professional fireworks only - no home shows and definitely no kids touching them in any way shape or form.
5. Like Mama Llama - I love to stare into the flames. I was once caught red-handed by my mom lighting fires with my brother in the backyard. As I child I thought I was being oh so careful - after all, I was using a cement paving stone as a base to prevent the fire from spreading. As an adult I can see why Mom was upset... I was playing with matches (big no no!) and I was lighting fires less than 5 feet from the house in the middle of our very dead, very dry grass (did I mention we lived in the desert?!) Oops!
6. I don't like it when people are near me while I'm working. Any task - cleaning the house, working online, whatever. I think that they are watching me and judging me and deciding that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing and I'm doing it all wrong and I'm such a failure. Can you say self-esteem issues?!?
7. I have recurring dreams that I call "911 Dreams". The location and the situation vary from time to time but in all of them I am trying to call 9-1-1 and for whatever reason can't get through. Dream analysis anyone?
8. I don't like wind. Or other repetitive, out of my control noises. Like our new dog. Who licks and licks and licks and licks incessantly. Or like Felisa who at this very minute is sitting next to me whispering "scooby scooby scooby" over and over and over again. AAAAHHHHHH!!!! Kill me now!
9. My aunt used to call me Bony Butt when I was younger. Alas, those days are long past.
10. I don't like to be told what to do. Or what I cannot do. Stubborn I believe it is called. And yet I am a firm believer in rules. As in Every One MUST Follow ALL Rules At ALL Times NO Exceptions!!!
And now I have drawn a blank. The neuroses are endless really... too bad I can't remember any more right now. Lucky for you though so you don't have to read any more. And I suppose technically I have met my 10 item list requirement though I am not going to tag anyone since I think my only readers (other than Ron, my quality control) is Mama Llama and Scattered Mom.
Really? She must not know me for I am as crazy as they come! :)
I have been pondering this challenge in the back of my mind for close to a week now. As unbelievable as it seems, at first I could think of nothing. Maybe she's wrong. Maybe we're both wrong. I have nothing weird to tell about myself. But as time passed and I continued to think about it, more and more of my neuroses came back to me. Things I usually try to ignore. Things that I will now share with you...
1. I don't like to be late to the movies. I want to be in my seat with my popcorn or nachos and soda at least 5 minutes before the previews start. I can't help it. That's just the way I am. Ron and I went to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall this weekend - our first movie at the theater in quite awhile - and we were going to be late (in my opinion) and I was fussing about it. Turns out we made it before the previews started. Phew!
2. I don't like loud noises. We went to a local outdoor concert last Friday - Mama Llama and other friends love it but this was my first time actually making it to a concert. My very first thought as I opened the car door, at least a block away from the concert, was Wow! That is really loud! It didn't get any quieter. I'm pretty sure I won't be going to another concert here. The only reason I am going is to hang out with my friends but I ended up not enjoying myself. I'd rather spend time with my friends somewhere quieter. I resisted sitting at the bar at the local favorite restaurant for quite awhile because it was so loud and hard to talk. I have since become a convert but the noise at the bar is nothing compared to the noise from the concert.
3. Not a fan of crowds... Nope. Hate 'em in fact.
4. Fireworks make me nervous. There have been a few minor incidents in my past. Plus... fireworks are loud. Those really loud bright white boomers - hate them! They give me a tummy ache. Interestingly enough, those are Ron's favorite type. I love the lights of the fireworks though. Just hate the sound. Oh and I believe in professional fireworks only - no home shows and definitely no kids touching them in any way shape or form.
5. Like Mama Llama - I love to stare into the flames. I was once caught red-handed by my mom lighting fires with my brother in the backyard. As I child I thought I was being oh so careful - after all, I was using a cement paving stone as a base to prevent the fire from spreading. As an adult I can see why Mom was upset... I was playing with matches (big no no!) and I was lighting fires less than 5 feet from the house in the middle of our very dead, very dry grass (did I mention we lived in the desert?!) Oops!
6. I don't like it when people are near me while I'm working. Any task - cleaning the house, working online, whatever. I think that they are watching me and judging me and deciding that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing and I'm doing it all wrong and I'm such a failure. Can you say self-esteem issues?!?
7. I have recurring dreams that I call "911 Dreams". The location and the situation vary from time to time but in all of them I am trying to call 9-1-1 and for whatever reason can't get through. Dream analysis anyone?
8. I don't like wind. Or other repetitive, out of my control noises. Like our new dog. Who licks and licks and licks and licks incessantly. Or like Felisa who at this very minute is sitting next to me whispering "scooby scooby scooby" over and over and over again. AAAAHHHHHH!!!! Kill me now!
9. My aunt used to call me Bony Butt when I was younger. Alas, those days are long past.
10. I don't like to be told what to do. Or what I cannot do. Stubborn I believe it is called. And yet I am a firm believer in rules. As in Every One MUST Follow ALL Rules At ALL Times NO Exceptions!!!
And now I have drawn a blank. The neuroses are endless really... too bad I can't remember any more right now. Lucky for you though so you don't have to read any more. And I suppose technically I have met my 10 item list requirement though I am not going to tag anyone since I think my only readers (other than Ron, my quality control) is Mama Llama and Scattered Mom.
Monday, May 05, 2008
Faster than the speed of sound
Well, not really. But I did run a mile in 8:17 this morning. I think it's a personal best.
Go me!
Go me!
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Hodge Podge
As I write this, Ryan is dusting my shoes. This is a job he adopted a couple years ago. He will periodically sit down in front of my shoe shelf and pull out each pair, dusting them off, and replacing them. “This doesn’t have a size. Sometimes the size will show the age.” “These two shoes are from the same company but are different sizes. The green ones are 9 ½ and the blue ones are 10.” Based on those two quotes, I would say that I probably bought the green shoes first. And if I had to try them on, those green shoes just may not fit anymore!
From yesterday:
The Mud Puddle Incident…
Just before noon, the phone rang. The elementary school was on the callerID. Oh no, I thought. Who and what now?
Who: Ryan
What: Covered from head to foot in mud.
Why: Apparently he miscalculated the dismount from the small bar and ended up IN the mud instead of swinging OVER the mud.
So, I brought him a change of clothes then came home to do a little laundry.
The Catfish On Legs…
Ryan came in to tell me that he needed help capturing the bug in the girls’ room. Apparently there was a crazy looking bug under the blanket on the floor. “A giant head that looks like a catfish but it has legs!” Hmmm… Why don’t they ever call Ron to catch the freaky bugs?! We did indeed manage to capture the bug, using our friends’ cup-and-card method. I released him to the outdoors though he may have gone into shock and frozen to death since it was pretty cold out there last night! I’m not sure why this bug was caught and released since our usual M.O. involves squishing with a shoe. Guess it was his lucky day!
My Afternoon Blues…
I cleaned yesterday. Cleaned and cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. Can’t even hardly tell. I cleared out the entry way, putting away about 5 jackets and 8 sweaters. I cleaned off the white chair which is where I usually dump all of my stuff. I put the library books back in the bag. Then I went upstairs to continue my cleaning rampage in the girls’ room. I threw away a bunch of old junk and compiled a bag of miscellaneous toys to be donated. You can see the floor all the way from the door to the back wall. I cleaned out the wooden puzzles but the cardboard ones remain for another day. And then they came home from school and messed it all up playing ponies. Grrr… The foundation is there though so if I can just be tougher and more consistent about making them clean up… And really I’m not done in there. It’s an on-going project.
Then it was time for dinner… while the food was cooking, I cleaned up some of the mess. Washed dishes, cleared a bit of the counter. Then… (and this is where it gets crazy…) I had 10 minutes left on the timer for the fish. What would I normally do, especially if I had been cleaning non-stop all afternoon? I would normally go upstairs and kick back, maybe check email or watch tv. BUT – are you sitting down?!? – I didn’t! I said to myself, you have 10 minutes. Why not see how much vacuuming you can get done before dinner? I’d been meaning to vacuum all week and hadn’t gotten to it yet. So I did. And you know what? I vacuumed the entire living room, kitchen, and under the dining room table. I can check that job off my list. So out of character! I was thinking though at the time that I wasn’t really liking this productive, clean all day way of life. Ultimately though, it was nice to have done a lot. And I still had plenty of veg time in front of the tv after dinner while I worked on cleaning out my email box. I made it from July to Oct 2007 in only 2 ½ hours. What? Shocked at the amount of clutter in my life, even virtually? You shouldn’t be.
So, there you have it. Now I’m off to clear more old emails. Already this morning I have put out two freecycles for pick-up, made scrambled eggs for everyone for breakfast, and got my card ready to mail (I sold another card on Etsy! WooHoo!). Later today I have a playdate for the kids where I will be staying for about the first hour and I have to get the ropes and plates ready for Blue and Gold tonight. Ron’s headed out for a bike ride later and if I’m really lucky, I’ll have time to spend scrapping.
Go me!
From yesterday:
The Mud Puddle Incident…
Just before noon, the phone rang. The elementary school was on the callerID. Oh no, I thought. Who and what now?
Who: Ryan
What: Covered from head to foot in mud.
Why: Apparently he miscalculated the dismount from the small bar and ended up IN the mud instead of swinging OVER the mud.
So, I brought him a change of clothes then came home to do a little laundry.
The Catfish On Legs…
Ryan came in to tell me that he needed help capturing the bug in the girls’ room. Apparently there was a crazy looking bug under the blanket on the floor. “A giant head that looks like a catfish but it has legs!” Hmmm… Why don’t they ever call Ron to catch the freaky bugs?! We did indeed manage to capture the bug, using our friends’ cup-and-card method. I released him to the outdoors though he may have gone into shock and frozen to death since it was pretty cold out there last night! I’m not sure why this bug was caught and released since our usual M.O. involves squishing with a shoe. Guess it was his lucky day!
My Afternoon Blues…
I cleaned yesterday. Cleaned and cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. Can’t even hardly tell. I cleared out the entry way, putting away about 5 jackets and 8 sweaters. I cleaned off the white chair which is where I usually dump all of my stuff. I put the library books back in the bag. Then I went upstairs to continue my cleaning rampage in the girls’ room. I threw away a bunch of old junk and compiled a bag of miscellaneous toys to be donated. You can see the floor all the way from the door to the back wall. I cleaned out the wooden puzzles but the cardboard ones remain for another day. And then they came home from school and messed it all up playing ponies. Grrr… The foundation is there though so if I can just be tougher and more consistent about making them clean up… And really I’m not done in there. It’s an on-going project.
Then it was time for dinner… while the food was cooking, I cleaned up some of the mess. Washed dishes, cleared a bit of the counter. Then… (and this is where it gets crazy…) I had 10 minutes left on the timer for the fish. What would I normally do, especially if I had been cleaning non-stop all afternoon? I would normally go upstairs and kick back, maybe check email or watch tv. BUT – are you sitting down?!? – I didn’t! I said to myself, you have 10 minutes. Why not see how much vacuuming you can get done before dinner? I’d been meaning to vacuum all week and hadn’t gotten to it yet. So I did. And you know what? I vacuumed the entire living room, kitchen, and under the dining room table. I can check that job off my list. So out of character! I was thinking though at the time that I wasn’t really liking this productive, clean all day way of life. Ultimately though, it was nice to have done a lot. And I still had plenty of veg time in front of the tv after dinner while I worked on cleaning out my email box. I made it from July to Oct 2007 in only 2 ½ hours. What? Shocked at the amount of clutter in my life, even virtually? You shouldn’t be.
So, there you have it. Now I’m off to clear more old emails. Already this morning I have put out two freecycles for pick-up, made scrambled eggs for everyone for breakfast, and got my card ready to mail (I sold another card on Etsy! WooHoo!). Later today I have a playdate for the kids where I will be staying for about the first hour and I have to get the ropes and plates ready for Blue and Gold tonight. Ron’s headed out for a bike ride later and if I’m really lucky, I’ll have time to spend scrapping.
Go me!
Monday, February 11, 2008
Mid-Afternoon Blues
I was so full of energy and plans and determination this morning. Alas, where has it all gone? And with it has gone the time. I have reached that mid-to-late afternoon time (around 3 or 4ish) where I am left with only the overwhelming thoughts of all that remains undone. So much I want to do in each and every day and yet I lack the energy to maintain the pace. By this time of day I have switched over to regular daily maintenance (i.e. dinner preps and kitchen cleaning) or avoidance (i.e. hide in my room doing not much of anything in particular while I try to avoid the noise levels of the children playing elsewhere in the house). I know that most likely, not much else productive will be done by me after this point in the day. I'm just waiting for it to be bedtime so I can chill out in my warm bed (kind of an oxymoron, eh?!), watch a little TV, and go to sleep. I am so much better in the mornings. For example, last Friday night - the kitchen was a total and absolute wreck (even though I didn't even cook dinner - just ordered pizza) and I was going to be gone to a crop all day Saturday. Ron saw the disaster and panicked a little. What do you mean you're going to bed? Aren't you going to clean up before you leave? Trust me, I told him. That's what tomorrow is for. You see, for him, sooner is better than later and evenings are better than mornings. But for me... later and eventually work fine. And so does 5 a.m.! I got up at 0515, cleaned the kitchen, showered, finished loading odds and ends into the car, and was ready to leave by 7. I'm just better in the morning. More efficient, perhaps a bit. But generally just better able to cope.
So know you're thinking... why not just get up early every day then? I'm thinking the same thing myself. Unfortunately I do struggle a bit more with getting up early (without a good reason like scrapbooking to look forward to!) when it is so dark and cold outside. My other problem is that I'm up early because I want to be alone. If I make too much noise or turn on too many lights, well then, I won't be alone any more. And if I'm not making noise or turning on lights, well then, what am I accomplishing? See the problem? I just need someone to fix it for me. Fix. IT. Please!!!
For now, the sun is still shining, though it is starting to fall below the treeline so technically I can still think of it as daytime. So perhaps I shall go back to my deep-cleaning of the girls' room. We're having leftovers for dinner (shh - don't tell Ron!) so I don't have to do that right away. The kitchen can wait until morning (shh - don't tell Ron!). And so far today I have vaccuumed up about 10 pounds of snack crumbs, changed the sheets, found a library audiobook that I swore I had returned in June last year, and freecycled the baby dolls that the girls NEVER play with. I'm tired of looking at them - out they go! (The dolls, not the girls.) Let's see what other damage I can do in there before the sun goes down...
So know you're thinking... why not just get up early every day then? I'm thinking the same thing myself. Unfortunately I do struggle a bit more with getting up early (without a good reason like scrapbooking to look forward to!) when it is so dark and cold outside. My other problem is that I'm up early because I want to be alone. If I make too much noise or turn on too many lights, well then, I won't be alone any more. And if I'm not making noise or turning on lights, well then, what am I accomplishing? See the problem? I just need someone to fix it for me. Fix. IT. Please!!!
For now, the sun is still shining, though it is starting to fall below the treeline so technically I can still think of it as daytime. So perhaps I shall go back to my deep-cleaning of the girls' room. We're having leftovers for dinner (shh - don't tell Ron!) so I don't have to do that right away. The kitchen can wait until morning (shh - don't tell Ron!). And so far today I have vaccuumed up about 10 pounds of snack crumbs, changed the sheets, found a library audiobook that I swore I had returned in June last year, and freecycled the baby dolls that the girls NEVER play with. I'm tired of looking at them - out they go! (The dolls, not the girls.) Let's see what other damage I can do in there before the sun goes down...
Thursday, January 24, 2008
I am who I am
I am who I am.
I prefer to stick my head in the sand rather than face it (whatever "it" may be).
I didn't grow up in a church.
I procrastinate.
I am not a naturally driven super-achiever.
I like to cook.
I like staying home with the kids.
This is who I am. I am who I am.
I am also married. To a man that doesn't get along with my mother (now, I know I'm not the only one in the world with this problem). I am being forced lately to choose sides. As a wife to a man who loves me and does not in any way abuse me and a mother to three children I must choose my husband and my immediate nuclear family.
The fact that I am a different person from my mother means that we see the same things in different ways. Our personalities and our life experiences influence our perceptions.
I am who I am. I'm pretty happy where I'm at. Sure, I'd love to see more of my mother and let the kids get to know her better but can't choose the currently proposed situation at the expense of my marriage. What we've got works for us. But not for everyone. Which is really too bad. Be careful what you wish for because it might just open up a can of worms you'd really rather not have around. It sounded good initially in theory but I'm not sure I want to live in no-mans'-land between husband and mother. Perhaps the wrong choice. Maybe I'm supposed to fight the good fight and make it work.
But
I am who I am. So I don't know that I can.
I prefer to stick my head in the sand rather than face it (whatever "it" may be).
I didn't grow up in a church.
I procrastinate.
I am not a naturally driven super-achiever.
I like to cook.
I like staying home with the kids.
This is who I am. I am who I am.
I am also married. To a man that doesn't get along with my mother (now, I know I'm not the only one in the world with this problem). I am being forced lately to choose sides. As a wife to a man who loves me and does not in any way abuse me and a mother to three children I must choose my husband and my immediate nuclear family.
The fact that I am a different person from my mother means that we see the same things in different ways. Our personalities and our life experiences influence our perceptions.
I am who I am. I'm pretty happy where I'm at. Sure, I'd love to see more of my mother and let the kids get to know her better but can't choose the currently proposed situation at the expense of my marriage. What we've got works for us. But not for everyone. Which is really too bad. Be careful what you wish for because it might just open up a can of worms you'd really rather not have around. It sounded good initially in theory but I'm not sure I want to live in no-mans'-land between husband and mother. Perhaps the wrong choice. Maybe I'm supposed to fight the good fight and make it work.
But
I am who I am. So I don't know that I can.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
No Time to Breathe
But that's okay because I can't really breathe anyway what with this darn cold and all! Remind me next time I go to the dentist with a cold, I should take Sudafed beforehand so maybe I can breathe a little tiny bit through my nose and not suffocate when they start spraying water in my mouth and oh help I can't breathe!!!
Preps for the big Justice League Super Hero party continue. Right now I'm feeling sort of in control and ready. By noon tomorrow I will be panicking because I'M NOT READY!!!! Ack! And when will I get ready for my crop Saturday? Probably Saturday morning at about 6 a.m. Is it Sunday afternoon yet? I'm ready for my nap!
And on that note, I'm off to bed. Just thought I'd share with the world that I can't breathe.
Preps for the big Justice League Super Hero party continue. Right now I'm feeling sort of in control and ready. By noon tomorrow I will be panicking because I'M NOT READY!!!! Ack! And when will I get ready for my crop Saturday? Probably Saturday morning at about 6 a.m. Is it Sunday afternoon yet? I'm ready for my nap!
And on that note, I'm off to bed. Just thought I'd share with the world that I can't breathe.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Jangled
I'm not sure what it is but the last few days I have been feeling very jangled. Over-stimulated in excess. I have come to recognize over that past year or so that I don't respond well to repetitive stimulus that I cannot control. Also multiple concurrent stimuli.
Also this morning, I am supposed to be working. I have a project for a client to have done in about a week. And a beginner's class to teach tonight. But I just can't think or work when other people are in the house. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the multiple concurrent stimuli of trying to think and focus while other things are going on around me. I even prefer not to do mindless chores like folding laundry when others are around. I have no idea why.
So, if anyone has a cure, please let me know. At least consider yourself warned that Grumpy Mommy has been hanging around lately. Approach at your own risk.
Also this morning, I am supposed to be working. I have a project for a client to have done in about a week. And a beginner's class to teach tonight. But I just can't think or work when other people are in the house. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the multiple concurrent stimuli of trying to think and focus while other things are going on around me. I even prefer not to do mindless chores like folding laundry when others are around. I have no idea why.
So, if anyone has a cure, please let me know. At least consider yourself warned that Grumpy Mommy has been hanging around lately. Approach at your own risk.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
It's Just Hair... It Will Grow Back...
or in other words... Wow! That's short!
I went to the salon this morning, compliments of my neighbor. The hairdresser recommended cutting it short. It will look good, she says. It will make you look younger, she promises. I, being incapable of saying no, discussed it for a minute but ultimately caved in. After all, as I tell the kids all the time, it's just hair. It will grow back.
An hour and a half later I'm looking at a pile of hair on the floor and a girl with very short hair in the mirror. What have I done?!?!?
Do I look younger? Not that I can tell. Do I hate it? No, but I'm not sure if I love it. I don't think my hair has been this short since my mom took me out back with scissors and a garbage bag during the Lice Scare of 5th Grade and cut it all off. Not even when I cut it "short" upon graduation and commissioning. What I miss already are the options. I can no longer wear it up or wear it down or curl it. It is what it is.
I have no other opinions yet so I've got my fingers crossed that every one will love it and think I look 10 years younger.
And if not, that's okay. It's just hair. It will grow back. I hope.
I went to the salon this morning, compliments of my neighbor. The hairdresser recommended cutting it short. It will look good, she says. It will make you look younger, she promises. I, being incapable of saying no, discussed it for a minute but ultimately caved in. After all, as I tell the kids all the time, it's just hair. It will grow back.
An hour and a half later I'm looking at a pile of hair on the floor and a girl with very short hair in the mirror. What have I done?!?!?
Do I look younger? Not that I can tell. Do I hate it? No, but I'm not sure if I love it. I don't think my hair has been this short since my mom took me out back with scissors and a garbage bag during the Lice Scare of 5th Grade and cut it all off. Not even when I cut it "short" upon graduation and commissioning. What I miss already are the options. I can no longer wear it up or wear it down or curl it. It is what it is.
I have no other opinions yet so I've got my fingers crossed that every one will love it and think I look 10 years younger.
And if not, that's okay. It's just hair. It will grow back. I hope.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Shania Twain Therapy
...it'll cure what ails you, ladies!
So the pity party is over folks... time to move on... go make someone else depressed why don't you!
I'm a new woman now... thanks to Shania Twain. Okay maybe that's exaggerating a little. I laid on the couch for awhile yesterday afternoon, enjoying the pity party. Our evening plans were cancelled so Ron and I were discussing alternatives. I told him the house was a mess and I was fat. He was nice enough to pretend that he didn't know what I was talking about. Then he suggested getting up off the couch as a plan that may yield better results than my current plan (staying on the couch until I die). I resisted for awhile but eventually I ran out of excuses. I had taken Bailey for a 20 minute walk but hadn't done any real exercise. So I changed my clothes, borrowed Ryan's CD player (because he has 3 and I don't have any!), stuck in a Shania Twain CD and off I went, into the 90 degree heat to burn off a little frustration.
I haven't run with music in a long time. I liked it. I think maybe I should do it more often. It really distracts from the pain and agony of running so I can get a little farther down the road before I wimp out and walk. The down side to my running with music is that I was using a CD player. Talk about feeling old-fashioned and conspicuous! No one runs with anything other than an Ipod these days. I told Ron I need an MP3 player (which I have been thinking about for awhile but yesterday sealed the deal for me!) so I can run with music.
So what did Shania sing to me that helped? Well the first song was Up! As in, it can only get better from here. A good positive message to get me started. Then there was one about "not just a pretty face", women are powerful. And finally, one about getting in touch with your inner "Juanita". Works for me!
So, did I run far or fast? No. But I ran. And I sweated. And I listened to a little brainwashing music about how strong I am. And I sent Ron out for Chinese food for dinner. And I finished off the evening watching one of my new favorite shows, Psych, and eating cheesecake leftover from our night out Thursday.
Now a new day has dawned. Bailey woke me up at 0645 to be let out. I almost went back to bed but the sun was up and I was awake so I made coffee and have been enjoying a little quiet time surfing the net. I'm still fat and my house is still a mess but I'm ready to face it head on again. I may not win but I'm not ready yet to give up the fight.
So the pity party is over folks... time to move on... go make someone else depressed why don't you!
I'm a new woman now... thanks to Shania Twain. Okay maybe that's exaggerating a little. I laid on the couch for awhile yesterday afternoon, enjoying the pity party. Our evening plans were cancelled so Ron and I were discussing alternatives. I told him the house was a mess and I was fat. He was nice enough to pretend that he didn't know what I was talking about. Then he suggested getting up off the couch as a plan that may yield better results than my current plan (staying on the couch until I die). I resisted for awhile but eventually I ran out of excuses. I had taken Bailey for a 20 minute walk but hadn't done any real exercise. So I changed my clothes, borrowed Ryan's CD player (because he has 3 and I don't have any!), stuck in a Shania Twain CD and off I went, into the 90 degree heat to burn off a little frustration.
I haven't run with music in a long time. I liked it. I think maybe I should do it more often. It really distracts from the pain and agony of running so I can get a little farther down the road before I wimp out and walk. The down side to my running with music is that I was using a CD player. Talk about feeling old-fashioned and conspicuous! No one runs with anything other than an Ipod these days. I told Ron I need an MP3 player (which I have been thinking about for awhile but yesterday sealed the deal for me!) so I can run with music.
So what did Shania sing to me that helped? Well the first song was Up! As in, it can only get better from here. A good positive message to get me started. Then there was one about "not just a pretty face", women are powerful. And finally, one about getting in touch with your inner "Juanita". Works for me!
So, did I run far or fast? No. But I ran. And I sweated. And I listened to a little brainwashing music about how strong I am. And I sent Ron out for Chinese food for dinner. And I finished off the evening watching one of my new favorite shows, Psych, and eating cheesecake leftover from our night out Thursday.
Now a new day has dawned. Bailey woke me up at 0645 to be let out. I almost went back to bed but the sun was up and I was awake so I made coffee and have been enjoying a little quiet time surfing the net. I'm still fat and my house is still a mess but I'm ready to face it head on again. I may not win but I'm not ready yet to give up the fight.
Friday, August 03, 2007
I Need A Plan, Stan
A trend seems to be developing... when I return from our annual big trip, I am slapped in the face by the fact that I have gained even more weight. Oh and I live in a pigsty. I made my bed (well, I haven't actually but you know what I mean!) and I don't want to lie in it.
Add this to the mini New Year's Resolution phenomenon that I seem to experience at the beginning of the new school year... This year I will do better. This year I will be organized. This year I won't be too lazy to do anything. This year...
And yet, here we are. I have gained all the weight I lost after last year's vacation gain plus one pound. I still live in a pigsty. And I'm still lazy and hardly organized.
I am overwhelmed. I know not where to start. What I really want to do is curl up in a little ball in the corner and bury my head in the sand.
I suspect that getting back to my exercise routine and losing a few pounds will improve my outlook and my energy levels. I have gained enough that I can no longer get by with my clothes. I have to actually dig out the fat clothes. Which I hate. Seeing any difference at all will take a few weeks or months to notice though and in the meantime I can't stand this messy house but I have no energy or desire to get my fat butt up to deal with the mess.
I also have a history of unfinished projects. I am easily distracted. I am often interrupted. Most likely something else will come up that is more of an emergency and whatever I was working on will fall to the wayside and just become more of the mess.
An endless vicious cycle. Mess. Depression. More Mess. More Depression.
Which came first? The energy to improve the outlook or the improved outlook that generates energy?
Add this to the mini New Year's Resolution phenomenon that I seem to experience at the beginning of the new school year... This year I will do better. This year I will be organized. This year I won't be too lazy to do anything. This year...
And yet, here we are. I have gained all the weight I lost after last year's vacation gain plus one pound. I still live in a pigsty. And I'm still lazy and hardly organized.
I am overwhelmed. I know not where to start. What I really want to do is curl up in a little ball in the corner and bury my head in the sand.
I suspect that getting back to my exercise routine and losing a few pounds will improve my outlook and my energy levels. I have gained enough that I can no longer get by with my clothes. I have to actually dig out the fat clothes. Which I hate. Seeing any difference at all will take a few weeks or months to notice though and in the meantime I can't stand this messy house but I have no energy or desire to get my fat butt up to deal with the mess.
I also have a history of unfinished projects. I am easily distracted. I am often interrupted. Most likely something else will come up that is more of an emergency and whatever I was working on will fall to the wayside and just become more of the mess.
An endless vicious cycle. Mess. Depression. More Mess. More Depression.
Which came first? The energy to improve the outlook or the improved outlook that generates energy?
Friday, June 22, 2007
Tomorrow... Tomorrow... My Birthday Is Tomorrow...
... I get to be Queen For A Day...
Sing along with me everyone - you know the tune!
That's right... this little tune has unfortunately become STUCK in my head now after I sang it three times to the kids (wouldn't want anyone to forget Mommy's birthday!). Oh well. I'm glad it's my birthday so I'll just keep singing it. How else can I make my birthday last longer than a day?
Sing along with me everyone - you know the tune!
That's right... this little tune has unfortunately become STUCK in my head now after I sang it three times to the kids (wouldn't want anyone to forget Mommy's birthday!). Oh well. I'm glad it's my birthday so I'll just keep singing it. How else can I make my birthday last longer than a day?
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