Wednesday, October 31, 2007

The Haunted Housewife

See the Haunted Housewife run screaming from the house.
I give up. I quit. It's just not fair!
What could possibly have caused such Halloween terror in TypicalTown, America?

Read The Haunted Housewife to find out...

Do you remember those books? Choose your own adventure. I liked them. I even tried to write one once. Now I'm going to write another one. Are you ready?

Once upon a time there was a Happy Housewife. Let's call her Ruby. Ruby woke up early one Halloween morning to face her morning workout torture. Unfortunately before she could even make it out the door to the gym, she was faced by the gaping dishwasher and the over-flowing sink full of dirty dishes. Bummer. No Dish Fairy came to visit last night. Oh well, she thinks, the dishes will have to wait. Boot camp torture comes first!

Just over an hour later, Ruby returns home, tired and sweaty. Dutiful and loving wife that she is, she immediately starts a pot of coffee then turns to face the Dish Monster. Time passes. Children wake up. Children are called to breakfast. Children are sent to dress in their cutest Halloween clothes. More time passes. Panic sets in - why aren't the lunches made yet? Why do you have so many tangles in your hair? Put on your shoes! Put on your coat! Hurry, hurry, hurry! We're late! Does Ruby get a shower after her workout? No, of course not. But that's okay. After a couple errands, there will be time for a shower later.

The morning passes. Ruby returns the library books, checks out some new library DVDs, buys milk and a snack, and returns home with just enough time for a very quick shower.

Should Ruby
a) take a quick shower
b) wait and take a shower later

But wait, she thinks. I'm worth more than just a rushed shower. I'm worth a long, hot, take-my-time shower. I'll take a shower while Littlest Child eats lunch and watches the new DVDs. Ruby gathers some newspaper clippings for her friend Shanita, cleans out the car console a bit, then heads to PreSchool Land to pick up Littlest Child.

Fast forward... Littlest Child is watching Dora so Ruby heads upstairs for her long-awaited shower. Oh look - the shower bucket is full. Ruby empties the water into the garden then turns on the water to warm up.

Should Ruby
a) take a shower
b) decide to give the shower a quick scrub before she gets in

Ruby decides that she should really give the shower stall at least a cursory scrub before the mildew comes to life and attacks someone. She very carefully removes the shower bucket that has accumulated another 3 inches or so of water in it and puts it on the rug next to the bathtub. She squirts a little Soft Scrub on the shower then rubs it in with the scrub brush. Somehow in her ultimate gracefulness, Ruby manages to knock over the bucket, spilling the water all over the rug and the bathroom floor. Alrighty then, she sighs. Guess I'll be cleaning the whole bathroom today. It wasn't the plan for the day but it needed to be done.

Two hours later, Ruby is showered and the bathroom is clean. The first load of rugs has been washed. Littlest Child has become bored of Dora and wants to help Ruby. They do a little vaccuuming of the bedroom then head down to the laundry room together. Put two rugs in the dryer. Discover the rubber backing from the other two rugs is coming apart. Decide to throw them away.

Should Ruby
a) check the deep sink to see if the rubber backing has clogged the drain
b) go on about her business as if nothing is wrong

Ruby and Littlest Child put towels in the washer, turn it on, then leave to pick up the Big Kids at Big Kid School.

Fast forward about an hour. All the kids are home. Oldest Boy has assembled his bow and arrows for his Halloween Archer costume. The missing rocket has been returned by Nice Neighbor Lady and another rocket has been swallowed by the Very Tall Pine Tree. Ruby decides to go see if the rugs are dry or if they need to be hung outside on the sun.

Eeewwww! What was that? Why is the floor wet?! Oh no! The deep sink is clogged and overflowed. Why is it that Ruby's hard work cleaning the bathroom has been rewarded with a flooded laundry room? Why? Why? Why?

Should Ruby
a) run screaming from the house. I give up. I quit. It's just not fair! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!
b) call her friends to vent her woes, laugh at herself, and keep on keeping on.

An hour or so later, the laundry room is mostly soaked up. Dinner is cooking and it's almost time for trick-or-treating. Oh and don't forget the icing on the cake... while mopping up the mess, Ruby discovers that the washer was set for Extra Rinse. Because, really, there wasn't enough water on the floor already today!


mapiprincesa! said...

ummm...might I suggest NaNoWriMo? ;)

mapiprincesa! said...



Next time, please take a shower instead of gathering my clippings! :) Your sanity is worth more to me than my crosswords!

Still can't get my sheets to spin out. They have been in my %/&*&/!$%!# washer all !#$/#$&# day. So obviously my bad laundry karma has been contagious.

So sorry...