Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Brain Dump

I've got so many random things running through my mind and so little space to store it all so I'm just going to spill it all out right here, lighten the load a little, and get back on the road.

If only... I was working on the 2007 family scrapbook this weekend because I finally finished the Big Trip 2 albums and Bailey's album and because I had nothing better to do. No, that's not right. Because I was feeling really lazy and it was pretty much the only semi-productive thing I could do while staying in bed all day (I love my laptop!!!). So, you're wondering now where the snow part comes in, right? Well, in February of last year we got snow. Lots of snow! I know this because those are some of the pictures I was working with this weekend. While I was working, I could hear the sound of yet more rain falling outside. Buckets and buckets of rain. If it had been colder, we would've gotten an awesome blizzard. But no. All we got was more mud. I shouldn't complain because we need the precipitation regardless of the delivery format but mud is one of my least favorite parts of spring. Or in this case, a snowless winter. We were cheated out of our one good snowstorm that we are supposed to get every February. Just not fair.

We had to schedule it in but we finally had one. Ryan had been asking for at least a week. And we even managed to pick a movie that Felisa was willing to watch. Family Movie Night isn't much fun for me when I have a four-year old sitting on my lap complaining THE ENTIRE TIME that she doesn't like the movie and she wants to go to sleep but she can't sleep without me. I don't want to go upstairs to put the "baby" to sleep. I want to watch the movie! So, this weekend it was Toy Story 2. And she liked it. Didn't complain a single time. I fell asleep in the middle though. It's not like I haven't seen it before... Toy Story and Toy Story 2 were the only movies Ryan would watch and that's the only way I could get him to sleep without nursing him or having to walk him to sleep. So we watched those two movies over and over and over and over and over again. I could quote them line for line in my sleep. He did gradually branch out a bit. First we added Bugs Life (he likes Pixar!) and soon we moved into the "foo foo" stage (translation... Dogs) and it was any and all shows with a dog... Scooby Doo, Balto, Blue's Clues, etc, etc, etc. But I am digressing here aren't I? Okay. Family Movie Night. Good. Everyone enjoyed it.

I have been having completely crazy dreams every single night. I'm exhausted! And the line between dream and reality is starting to blur a bit. On of the dreams that I remember was the one where I got into trouble from Bella's teacher because we weren't doing our homework. Which is true. She hasn't been doing it and I haven't been asking her to do it. A combination of forgetfulness and laziness. Apparently I was feeling guilty for not doing my homework because I am now having nightmares about it. Bella did her homework yesterday. And she'll do it again today. I promise.

The crazy dreams are related to the yeastie beasties I think. I have been drinking coffee but not in a way that would correlate to exhausting sleep with ridiculous dreams night after night after night. Of course I haven't done anything to combat them really so I have no one to blame but myself. I am a sugar addict. This revelation came to me one day as I was walking down the street. Probably dreaming about what sugary treat I was going to have next. Then I was reflecting on my inability to quit the sugar and stay away from it. I always come back. I say to myself that I could quit if I want to but I'm not so sure that's true. After all, I've quit at least 5 times in the last 4 years and I just keep going back. Maybe I need to find my self a Sugars Anonymous group and start going to meetings!

(Editor's note... What you are about to read is crazy and disjointed and not very well written. But if I don't get it out of my head, I will continue to obsess. Which means nothing else on my long list of daily and lifetime to-do's will get done. And I just might explode. So, read at your own risk or just skip it and come back another day for some lighter reading.)

How's that for positive thinking? A lot of things have been rolling around amongst the rocks in my head lately. I vascillate between believing and staying strong and leading by example and then the opposite as stated above.
People are greedy.
People don't think or don't care.
How hard is it to think about what you're doing, see the excess in it, and try to change it? Make one small tiny change at a time. It takes time. It doesn't happen overnight but if we don't even try, then we're hurting ourselves and everyone around us.
News stories about the traces of prescription drugs and other yucky things in the water. Which will make people drink bottled water. Which is a big time waste of plastic. And really the problem is our water source and how we treat it. The over use and abuse of things that can hurt us and the wildlife too. I can't even imagine the level of pesticides they would find. Google it and you can find studies that show pesticides and other awful things in the human bloodstream. We're poisoning ourselves. Too much of a good thing is not a good thing. I don't feel like plastic is bad in and of itself. Medicine is not bad. But the excessive use (esp. of plastic and pesticides) is awful. Oh and the marketing and the mass media of this capitalist society. Makes me want to go hide under a rock and cry.
Food that isn't even food anymore. I'm guilty of eating crap like McD's just like everyone else. I'm not claiming to be a saint. I struggle too and feel tremendous guilt. I go through phases of better and worse. But I'm aware. And I care. Does anyone else care?
I feel like I'm journeying alone. Because it is a journey. And one person can't do it alone. So where is everyone else? Peer pressure motivates me. It would be much easier for me to continue down the path of responsible plastic use, resource conservation, real and healthy food, etc. if everyone else was doing it too.
So what should I do? Keep going or give up? Ultimately I know I will keep going because I really believe it's true and important. But sometimes I just get so frustrated and discouraged.

I think we have lost touch with the real world, the natural world and we are slowly but surely killing ourselves off.

1 comment:

Scattered Mom said...

I know what you mean.

In one of my classes we watched "An Inconvenient Truth" and the next day I was talking to Hubs about buying a hybrid, began buying more "natural" foods, and bought a laundry rack to use instead of the dryer.

This whole climate change thing is scary.