Thursday, April 26, 2007

Optimistic or Delusional?

Ron was gone this weekend. He took Felisa to NM for an extended weekend visit. While they were gone, I was able to keep the main level of the house picked up (we had dinner guests last Saturday and stamp camp here on Thursday evening so things were recently decluttered and thereby giving me a headstart) while they were gone. At least until the last day when I gave up on it. I also did 10 pages in my scrapbook, took care of various commitments (church, soccer, etc), went on a field trip to the Garden Show, and fed the kids. Bella had a sleepover at Grandma D's on Friday and a couple afternoon playdates as usual so some of the time there were only 2 of us here. All of the weekend activities happened fairly easily.

Fast forward to today... third full day since Ron and Felisa have returned... I am exhausted. The house is a trail of destruction from one square foot to another. Ryan's boat for scouts was completed just in time. Dinner was cooked each night - sort of. My uniform was put together just in time. We didn't finish all of Ryan's reading homework because at 10:00 last night, I decided it was just too late and sleep was more important.

So the first question is... is the status of my life in a house of 5 a reflection of a certain person or persons or is it more a reflection of total numbers? For example, a house of 3 just runs easier than a house of 5. Or maybe Felisa is the main trouble-maker and her abscence made things go more smoothly. I'm leaning more towards the total numbers theory. While Felisa does contribute a large portion to my required actions each day, she is getting older and more self-sufficient and therefore less of a time-and-energy-hog, moving her into "just one of the numbers" category. The difference between life here over the weekend and the life here since Monday afternoon is so vast that it just really has me wondering why.

And now for the title post question... Am I optimistic or eternally delusional? I would say that I am generally an optimistic person. But when pondering the state of my home and whether it will ever change I'm not so sure. I guess, in a way, I am optimistic because at the end of the day, when I am just too tired to care anymore and have thrown in the towel, leaving all that is undone to be done another day, I think that "Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow I will get everything done." Yet this NEVER happens. So am I optimistic or suffering from delusions of possible future success that will never come to fruition?

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