Thursday, June 22, 2006

A sign from God?

~written 6/19/06

There is a lady named Faith on the usa-philippines adoption email list. She has been posting recently about her doubts/concerns as she begins the adoption process/journey. I find that my own thoughts often echo hers. As some people know, I have been on a rocky roller-coaster of what-if's and should-I's for the last few weeks. Faith posted last week that she had been praying about her family's decisions and asking for a sign from God confirming (or not) her decision. On the day she was driving to the post office to mail her application letter, there along the side of her fairly-remote country road, someone had just posted a series of red signs promoting adoption. Wow! Ask and ye shall receive!

I also find it interesting that her name is Faith. I see this name when I am reading messages about adoption - like a little nudge from God... "Don't forget me," he says. "When pondering adoption, I must have FAITH." Faith, faith, faith... a key ingredient missing in all my deliberating and doubting. Fritz also posed an interesting question last week... Is God calling me? Do I feel called by God to adoption?

So my prayers of late have been centered on asking God to help me to be open to his will, to be trusting and faithful in Him, that he knows which child, if any, will fit into our family. Ron says he thinks we have it in us to love at least one more child. All of the kids are so loving and gentle to babies and young toddlers and sometimes talk about having a baby brother. The child shall lead to way to God, yes?

This afternoon I was watching another episode of Adoption Stories (my 3rd in 2 days!). Today's story was about a family of four kids who gets a younger brother (4 years old) from Haiti. In this episode they talked about the adoptive parents' concern about older children and possible difficulty with bonding and attachment. Consequently they decided against requesting an older toddler ( appx. 3 years old) initially and requested an infant instead. The show's narrator pointed out that not every older child has difficulty bonding. It depends on the circumstances. Do you hear the message??? Bonding CAN happen easily and I MUST trust in God to know my limitations and capabilities.

Watching these shows brings me back to my original ideas behind adoption (as opposed to more natural-born children of my own), the ideas I've had all my life. There are SOOOOOOOOO many children out there in the world that need a family to love and to be loved by in return. Heart-breaking really. And of course I was crying while I watched (because, like it or not, I am a CRYER!)

So here I am tonight, driving up the highway to Philly, when I decided to take a break from my audiobook. Without even changing the station, I hear Delilah After Dark. Being a lover of mushy love ballads, I decide to listen for a bit. The caller on the line is telling the story of her husband speaking to her father about adopting her 2 children (not his - just through marriage). A family friend overheard and offered her grandson to them for adoption (she is elderly and has been struggling, no longer physically able to care for the toddler). The caller said she had been praying about having another child. Once again, ask and ye shall receive! Then Delilah played a song, "Blessed" by Elton John...

I need you before I'm too old
To have and to hold
To walk with you and watch you grow
And know that you're blessed
And you, you'll be blessed
You'll have the best I promise you that
I'll pick a star from the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that, promise you that You, you'll be blessed
You'll have the best I promise you that
I'll pick a star from the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that, promise you that
Promise you that you'll be blessed
Oh my goodness! Crying, crying, crying... Saying, okay God - are these MY signs? Am I being called to open my heart and give you my faith and trust that you will bring the perfect child to our family?
Wowsers - all these thoughts, prayers, and insights and I'm still just on my scrapbook trip - not even Cursillo yet. That starts Thursday!

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