I heard that song on the radio the other day, "Who Wouldn't Wanna Be Me" by Keith Urban and I thought to myself "Hmm... that would make a good blogpost title." And lucky me, I didn't have to wait long for the opportunity to use it!
Yesterday after we picked up Felisa and Corey from school, Corey needed to go potty. Of course we were already in the parking lot by this time so Shani took him over to his customary spot in the bushes by the dumpsters. I loaded Felisa and got ready to head out for gymnastics class. Somehow Corey had managed to pee on Shani's hand and she was grimacing and we laughed a little at the joy of it all and then I drove off. As I left the parking lot, I commented to Grandma R that it just isn't motherhood if you don't get peed on.
(insert suspenseful music and foreshadowing galore!)
We start to drive down the block. Felisa announces that she needs to go potty. The power of suggestion perhaps? I asked if she could wait 5 minutes until we got to gymnastics. No, she says. Okay. There really isn't anywhere to stop here, no bathrooms. So I ask her again. Do you have to go right now in the bushes or can you wait until gymnastics? I figure this will help her (and me) decide how desperate she really was. In the bushes, she says. We have rounded the corner at this point and I'm thinking maybe we can pull in at the doorstoop of the elementary school, leave Grandma in the car, and run inside to use the bathroom there. No sooner than I have asked the question and formulated the plan does Felisa say, Noooooooooo!!!! I'm already going!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Alrighty then. I guess I'll pull over into this empty pool parking lot and change Felisa's clothes. What was that I just said about parenthood and being peed on by your kids?!
When we got home from gymnastics, I pulled the soggy carseat out of the car and left it, with the wet clothes, sitting in the carport. I left again right away to meet Ron for lunch. Then it was time to pick up the big kids from school. Then I was too lazy to go out in the rain to take the cover off the carseat to be washed. Then it was dark. Then Ron and I went out for dinner (gee, isn't it great when the grandparents come to visit!!!). When we got home from dinner, I brought the carseat inside and left it in the foyer next to the hibiscus tree. It's late, I'm tired, I'll deal with it tomorrow, I think to myself.
Now it is Saturday morning and I decide that I really need to just take the darn seat cover off already and quit procrastinating. I bring it up into the living room and pick the dirty clothes up off the seat. And it's alive! The seat cushion under the clothes, full of pee and cracker crumbs has attracted the ants that were living in my hibiscus tree (they moved in and set up camp in the plant pot while the tree was on the porch for the summer and I haven't decided yet how to get them back out of the pot). They are crawling all over the carseat. Ewwww! Quick! Where's the vaccuum cleaner?!? I suck up a few of the ants and a couple crumbs but it's not really working all that well since everything is wet (remember the rain? And the pee?). So I get some paper towels and bleach spray. And clean and vaccuum and disassemble the car seat. Finally all apart. I put the seat cover and the clothes in the washer. I go outside in my pajamas to freeze my buns off while I hose out the car seat. And I think to myself... Who wouldn't wanna be me?!
In other news:
We went to Arby's this morning after collecting food for the Scouting for Food drive. The Kids' Meal bag had mad libs on it. After we did the mad libs, Ryan went back and read the "Words of Wisdom" section exactly as it was printed... The adjective bird gets the noun. A watched noun never verb. etc. Then he read this one: A noun a day keeps the occupation away. Then he created this funny one:
Ryan: A noun a day keeps the teacher away.
Editorial comment from Grumpy Mommy...
Frustration: trying to think and type this post while Ryan reads me the jokes from Boys Life (all 3 pages of jokes of course), Bella runs and hops back and forth past me, Grandma cleans and plays the piano, and Felisa tries to talk to me. AAAAAGGGGHHHH! Leave me alone! My overstimulated brain can't handle all this simultaneous input!