Choose Your Life

Isn't it great how we meet so many different people in life. Everyone has different experiences and viewpoints to contribute.

It started out as a quick trip next door to ask my neighbor to identify the horrid vining plant that has invaded our garden. She said that she didn't know but would look it up. We chit-chatted a bit then I asked for her opinion of our adoption idea. She has no children of her own but has helped to raise several nieces/nephews through the years so I figured she might be a good one to ask. And since there is no such thing as a quick trip when it comes to visiting Alexis (drives Ron crazy but I love talking with her!) we spent awhile talking about it.

I told her about my most recent doubts about getting a kid who is not naturally "good" like our other kids are. She asked me what my worst case scenario would be. And she told me hers - that she would be unable to love a child enough to see it through and give up and that the child would know she couldn't love it and gave up and the pain that would cause for the child. I have to agree, that's pretty bad. There have been several posts on the yahoo board this weekend about RAD (reactive attachment disorder) and the associated difficulties. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. And so I wonder if we should just call the whole thing off. I have the known factors on one hand (our own children and the likelihood that future offspring would be similar in temperment as well as a different factor of 3 is enough and we don't really need more kids) versus the unknown factors that an adoption would have. The unknown is always scarier.

One thing we discussed was my issues with loud sudden noises and the continuous out of my control noises (and wind!). She thinks that subconciously I feel out of control of my life and don't like it but because I don't admit to this consciously, it is manifesting itself in my wind/noise issues. Ron would say Psycho-babble! I say, worth a little reflection. I don't consider myself a control freak as some people claim to be but maybe I want to be and just don't know it!

As a follow-on to this, she said that I (and really everyone) must CHOOSE their life. Make a conscious decision that what you are doing is what you are choosing to do. I made her clarify that she didn't think I needed to necessarily choose something different. I can choose to be what I am, I just must CHOOSE it. Then be the best IT I can be. And sometime down the road I can CHOOSE to be something else. It is the choice that is important. Again, something to reflect further on but sounds like good advice to me.