Shower Meditations

I have decided that water is my relaxer and my conduit to God. I always feel so much more relaxed when I feel the shower water pouring over me or when I am staring out at the ocean (as I did MANY times while in the Navy and was surrounded by said ocean). Relaxed and free to think and pray. Also while doing the dishes - water is present - but not nearly as relaxing!

So the thoughts of this morning surround our small faith community. I agreed to be the leader of the group almost 4 years ago. I don't mind the administrative functions but I struggle with opening and closing prayers, and meaningful presentation of the readings and associated questions. For about a year, a previous leader agreed to split the duties - I did admin and he did the actual meeting preparation and leadership. Fritz is awesome! He is a great group leader with terrific Bible knowledge and I think a direct line to God because he always came up with very thought-provoking questions. Alas, Fritz and his family moved away last summer and it just hasn't been the same since. About half of the group members have effectively quit the group over the last year or so. The remaining members have varying levels of commitment. Add to that schedule conflicts and illnesses (as is common with so many little ones in our families) and the meetings of late have really been lacking. I was joking at the meeting last night that I am planning to quit my post as leader. This morning I gave it more serious thought.

I took the summer off from the group, hoping it would rejuvenate me, but it didn't. I am still frustrated by the lack of commitment and attendance. I try hard not to push my views onto others (as far as priority scheduling for the meetings) because I know we are all in different places in life at different times and what I need, others may not. At the same time though, it has really hurt the group overall with the lackluster attendance and I think we have cancelled more meetings than we have had since school started in the fall. One thought that came to mind this morning as I was reminiscing Fritz' greatness, was that part of it is my fault. I am laid back and relaxed as well as not comfortable with the prayer part, all of which leaves the meetings with a much less serious - we're here to work - atmosphere. I'm sure this is contributing to the lack of commitment to the group. One issue I have with just quitting and cancelling the group altogether (which is a definite possibility as I don't see anyone willing to take over at this point if I do quit) is that by doing so I could be discouraging others from their relationships with God which I would not want to do. So now the question is - should I pray and work on my approach and keep plugging away or should I just quit? I don't know the answer so I guess I'll have to pray and listen.

I am really looking forward to Cursillo. Hope I got in. Seems like a lot of things on my mind lately and surely God can help, right?

And at that I must sign off so I can get the family ready and to church on time!