A Time For Reflection

-written 6/25/06

Two blank notecards and 30 minutes to reflect on what this weekend has meant to me and what I have gotten out of it. Let's reflect, shall we...

My decision to attend Cursillo was based on what I have since learned is called "The 4th Day". I recognize in myself my need for external motivation. Other people telling me to do 20 more push-ups or to run a mile further (well, people other than Ron, that is!) because I certainly won't do it on my own. Rather than motivation, in my faith I need external accountability. Other people at a regularly scheduled gathering to keep me challenged, conscious of God in my life, and engaged in the Christian community.

After agreeing to come, I began to get nervous. Everyone I know who has been to Cursillo has described it as a big amazing thing in their life. I talked it over with my sponsor and a few others and eventually decided that Cursillo is a different for everyone and not everyone has the BIG MOMENT that I knew I wouldn't have. I also recognized the 20/20 hindsight of the cursillistas and that perhaps the BIG MOMENT wasn't at Cursillo but a cumulative effect because of Cursillo. I settled down into a period of waiting, knowing that for me, the Cursillo weekend itself would just be a nice weekend away from the kids, making me "official" so that I could "group".

BUT...
(you do hear the BUT here, right?!)

About the same time I decided to go to Cursillo, I woke up one morning absolutely sure I was supposed to have another baby. I mean I really wanted another baby. Keep in mind that I already have 3 other kids (age 6, 4, and 2). I had experienced similar baby moments in previous months but had always managed, with the help of friends, to talk myself down from the cliff, so to speak.

This time the feeling was stronger and harder to get rid of so I told Ron. He said, "Sure, if that's what you want." I debated some more, pondered whether I really did want to be pregnant again. Ron suggested adoption. Oh yeah. What a good idea.
(I just checked and I blogged about this on March 6 and 7)

But can it really be as simple as that? NO! And so began a 3-month rollercoaster of research, doubts, and what-ifs with no clear decisions in sight.

I finally decided that perhaps it was time to "let go and let God". Time to invite Him in to my prayers (yes, I know he should have been invited all along and was actually there all along, but I wasn't listening), asking for Him to help in hearing his call and help in trusting that if indeed he is calling us to adopt, that he will bring the right child for our family, into our family.

A funny thing happened once I invited God in and began to listen. He sent me a few signs (see previous post, "A Sign From God?"). And if I'm interpreting them correctly, all signs point to Yes! Adopt! (about half of the team leaders on my Cursillo weekend had adopted children as well as a few team leaders with large families - almost creepy how these little signs kept leaping out and slapping me on the back of the head, sort of back-up messages to the first big one, since he knew I would still be doubting if I heard him correctly). And so I say- Thank You, God. Now please stick with me on the rest of the journey.

You may be wondering at this point how my reflections of the Cursillo fit into all of this since the first signs I mentioned came just a few days before I left to come to Cursillo. Which means I had nothing left to worry over and reflect deeply about while on Cursillo. It would indeed just be a nice, relaxing weekend away from home.

HA! HA! HA!
(can you hear God laughing? I can!)

Let's begin with our first assignment, our first meditation, to Know Thyself.

Now some things I knew already...
* I do NOT like to be in situations where it is assumed I know what I am supposed to be doing, particularly when I have NO IDEA what I am supposed to be doing. I like to know what is expected of me, especially in structured situations with very specific rules and routines (military, religious, etc). What I should say and do and when I should say and do it.
* I cry. A lot. For no apparent reason, sometimes. Other times the tears are caused by stress and frustration. Let's not forget sad or sappy occasions. And did I mention for No Apparent Reason? That's a big one sometimes.

Some things I suspected...

And some things I learned...
I am not a "Waaaaa" (imagine clouds parting, a light shining down, and angels singing) person. I'm just not. I have been searching for the "Waaaa", trying to force a "Waaaaa" where there was never meant to be one. I suspect this may be one of the big reasons I cry so much in church (in particular this weekend) - the fight of trying to get the square peg into the round hole.

Though I have come later to the church and organized religion, God has been there from the beginning. He has been there everytime I love someone or do the right thing. I do not search out recognition. I am quiet and do quietly.

I do not find God in the church building or the organized prayer. I find him in the people and the love around me.

Recognizing this was an important step for me. Next was hearing/learning that it is okay to not be a "Waaaaa" girl. I must be what God made me, the best me that I can. I think this lesson will continue for awhile but for now I feel I have started down the right path - my path, with God.

And when everything was said and done, I must say that the weekend did turn out to be a "Waaaaa" experience after all. :)

A sign from God?

~written 6/19/06

There is a lady named Faith on the usa-philippines adoption email list. She has been posting recently about her doubts/concerns as she begins the adoption process/journey. I find that my own thoughts often echo hers. As some people know, I have been on a rocky roller-coaster of what-if's and should-I's for the last few weeks. Faith posted last week that she had been praying about her family's decisions and asking for a sign from God confirming (or not) her decision. On the day she was driving to the post office to mail her application letter, there along the side of her fairly-remote country road, someone had just posted a series of red signs promoting adoption. Wow! Ask and ye shall receive!

I also find it interesting that her name is Faith. I see this name when I am reading messages about adoption - like a little nudge from God... "Don't forget me," he says. "When pondering adoption, I must have FAITH." Faith, faith, faith... a key ingredient missing in all my deliberating and doubting. Fritz also posed an interesting question last week... Is God calling me? Do I feel called by God to adoption?

So my prayers of late have been centered on asking God to help me to be open to his will, to be trusting and faithful in Him, that he knows which child, if any, will fit into our family. Ron says he thinks we have it in us to love at least one more child. All of the kids are so loving and gentle to babies and young toddlers and sometimes talk about having a baby brother. The child shall lead to way to God, yes?

This afternoon I was watching another episode of Adoption Stories (my 3rd in 2 days!). Today's story was about a family of four kids who gets a younger brother (4 years old) from Haiti. In this episode they talked about the adoptive parents' concern about older children and possible difficulty with bonding and attachment. Consequently they decided against requesting an older toddler ( appx. 3 years old) initially and requested an infant instead. The show's narrator pointed out that not every older child has difficulty bonding. It depends on the circumstances. Do you hear the message??? Bonding CAN happen easily and I MUST trust in God to know my limitations and capabilities.

Watching these shows brings me back to my original ideas behind adoption (as opposed to more natural-born children of my own), the ideas I've had all my life. There are SOOOOOOOOO many children out there in the world that need a family to love and to be loved by in return. Heart-breaking really. And of course I was crying while I watched (because, like it or not, I am a CRYER!)

So here I am tonight, driving up the highway to Philly, when I decided to take a break from my audiobook. Without even changing the station, I hear Delilah After Dark. Being a lover of mushy love ballads, I decide to listen for a bit. The caller on the line is telling the story of her husband speaking to her father about adopting her 2 children (not his - just through marriage). A family friend overheard and offered her grandson to them for adoption (she is elderly and has been struggling, no longer physically able to care for the toddler). The caller said she had been praying about having another child. Once again, ask and ye shall receive! Then Delilah played a song, "Blessed" by Elton John...

I need you before I'm too old

To have and to hold

To walk with you and watch you grow

And know that you're blessed

And you, you'll be blessed

You'll have the best I promise you that

I'll pick a star from the sky

Pull your name from a hat

I promise you that, promise you that You, you'll be blessed

You'll have the best I promise you that

I'll pick a star from the sky

Pull your name from a hat

I promise you that, promise you that

Promise you that you'll be blessed

Oh my goodness! Crying, crying, crying... Saying, okay God - are these MY signs? Am I being called to open my heart and give you my faith and trust that you will bring the perfect child to our family?

Wowsers - all these thoughts, prayers, and insights and I'm still just on my scrapbook trip - not even Cursillo yet. That starts Thursday!

What is it about 2 1/2?

What is it about 2 1/2 that makes me cry for all the time that is already lost to me? When each of these kids turn 2 1/2 I have a sudden panic attack... oh no! he/she's 2 1/2 already! Where did the time go? Have I done my best? Have I completely ruined them? How did they get so big already? I can't even remember now exactly what the statement was but something to the effect of, kids are done at 3. You've had your opportunity to lay a good foundation for the future. If you didn't, well then good luck on the next 15 years. I panic because already 2 1/2 years are gone and I can't remember what I've done. Did I lay a good foundation? Is there enough time left to fix all my mistakes? I think my panic is also related to the fact that at about 2 1/2 they usually have a big leap forward and just start acting like a big kid. Good-bye Baby. Even though Felisa has thought of herself as being at least 10 years old for the last year, she has had a big jump developmentally in the last month or so. Sad, scary, hopeful...

How much is it worth?

So here is yet more evidence of what a train wreck I am as a mother…

I made up new chore charts today (this is the good part- probably the only good part!) and one of the items listed is bath, 3x’s/week. Now when was the last time these kids actually had a bath? I have absolutely no idea. That’s how long it has been. I’m sure at least a week and probably longer. So tonight Melissa is here watching the kids (Ron and I went to dinner for some good food and much needed grown up talk time). Ryan wanted dessert and I told him he had to do his evening chores first. Which is where the bath part comes in. So he was asking if he really had to do that and I was about to say no when I thought a little more about it and realized that it has been too long since they had a bath. So I put no-bath together with Melissa-is-here and came up with this great idea… I’ll give Melissa $5 extra to do it for me! So you all can be the judge… bad mommy or smart mommy? How much are clean children worth to you?!?

In other news…
Ryan and I saw the strangest bugs on the way home from school this afternoon. They were all white, very small, and looked like flying feathers with eyes. Very strange but cool at the same time. But what to call these creatures we have discovered? Flying Feather-Heads? Bird-Bugs? Fox-Frogs? I bet you’re wondering where that last name came from. Well, let me tell you… Ryan says that because foxes eat birds and frogs eat bugs we could call these creatures Fox-Frogs. Works for me!

I was debating whether to walk to school to pick up Ryan or drive. I knew I should walk, especially since we had Wendy’s for lunch (post-dentist treat for the kids) and I was headed out for dinner tonight. And Bailey needed a walk too. But I was feeling tired and lazy and not too keen on being hot and sweaty from the walk. Bella said she thought we should walk so I did the right thing. Of course, she and Felisa were asleep in the double stroller about 2 blocks into our trip. So there I am, pushing about 70 lbs worth of kids and stroller out in the humid air wondering why I let her convince me to do it. Oh well. It’s good for me.

Here’s some insight… I hate to sweat. I hate humidity. Sweating in the right time and place (exercise class for example) is okay but at no other point in the day should I be breaking out into a sweat. Because then I just feel so gross and grungy. Ick. I am an Air-Conditioning Girl for sure. Which is probably one of the reasons I will never be a poster child for energy-saving alternative transportation methods. If I drive my car… I can blast the air conditioning!!!

And now I need to get things wrapped up and get the house settled down, post-bath, so that I can go to bed. I’m soooooo tired and my throat is feeling a bit scratchy. Not a good thing.

The Green Invader

So the retired-CIA master gardener that used to live here planted all kinds of weird things. So far most of it has survived our hands-off/bordering on neglectful gardening practices. We can identify very few plants in our "Garden Jungle" and my theory has been - if it's ugly or in my way, it's out of here! Who knows which are weeds and which are legitimate plants.

One particular plant has launched a major invasion. It started out in a small box next to the house on the back porch. Nothing has sprouted up on the side or in the back which makes me think the root has grown under the house and into the front yard. I took it over to Alexis for ID since she knows a lot of our plants. She had looked it up before but couldn't remember. This morning she emailed me the answer. It is called the Chameleon Plant (Houttuynia cordata) and apparently is quite invasive. Really?!!? What a shocker! It has taken over our entire front plant area along the house. AND there's even more good news... It is resistant to round-up. Nothing will kill it. Too even attempt to get rid of it, you have to dig out every last speck of root. Not an easy task, let me tell you. Even before this official diagnosis, I had been taking to it with the pitchfork and shovel, trying to dig the endless roots out. I've covered a 2 foot square area so far. Only about 100 sqare feet to go!

If I ever survive the Chameleon Battle, I have a very mature batch of Poison Ivy waiting for me along the back fence.

Choose Your Life

Isn't it great how we meet so many different people in life. Everyone has different experiences and viewpoints to contribute.

It started out as a quick trip next door to ask my neighbor to identify the horrid vining plant that has invaded our garden. She said that she didn't know but would look it up. We chit-chatted a bit then I asked for her opinion of our adoption idea. She has no children of her own but has helped to raise several nieces/nephews through the years so I figured she might be a good one to ask. And since there is no such thing as a quick trip when it comes to visiting Alexis (drives Ron crazy but I love talking with her!) we spent awhile talking about it.

I told her about my most recent doubts about getting a kid who is not naturally "good" like our other kids are. She asked me what my worst case scenario would be. And she told me hers - that she would be unable to love a child enough to see it through and give up and that the child would know she couldn't love it and gave up and the pain that would cause for the child. I have to agree, that's pretty bad. There have been several posts on the yahoo board this weekend about RAD (reactive attachment disorder) and the associated difficulties. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. And so I wonder if we should just call the whole thing off. I have the known factors on one hand (our own children and the likelihood that future offspring would be similar in temperment as well as a different factor of 3 is enough and we don't really need more kids) versus the unknown factors that an adoption would have. The unknown is always scarier.

One thing we discussed was my issues with loud sudden noises and the continuous out of my control noises (and wind!). She thinks that subconciously I feel out of control of my life and don't like it but because I don't admit to this consciously, it is manifesting itself in my wind/noise issues. Ron would say Psycho-babble! I say, worth a little reflection. I don't consider myself a control freak as some people claim to be but maybe I want to be and just don't know it!

As a follow-on to this, she said that I (and really everyone) must CHOOSE their life. Make a conscious decision that what you are doing is what you are choosing to do. I made her clarify that she didn't think I needed to necessarily choose something different. I can choose to be what I am, I just must CHOOSE it. Then be the best IT I can be. And sometime down the road I can CHOOSE to be something else. It is the choice that is important. Again, something to reflect further on but sounds like good advice to me.

This couch better be good!

So, the couch saga continues... Ron came across a nice-looking blue microsuede couch on Craig's List. The people bought it for $1500 and used it for only 2 years. Selling it for $325. (See Grandma R- it's a good deal!) Had to get it today of course. So Ron is headed out to A-brn to pick it up then we are meeting him at the condo to unload it.

Here's the part where I say, "This couch better be good!" ... Supposed to be at Stamp Camp this afternoon and finishing up my client's album. So I am sacrificing my afternoon out so we can have a couch at the condo. Ah, the things we do because we love our parents!

Attention on Deck!

Wow! Those words came out of nowhere! There we were, just sitting at the tables, drinking coffee, chatting, reading the paper, when, with no warning whatsoever, those 3 powerful words... ATTENTION ON DECK! Yikes! We all jumped right up as if we had never left the ranks of active service. Amazing.

So, first the good news... I'll bring home about $150 for yesterday morning's adventure. Drive across town to the Very Ugly Navy Base (why are they always SO ugly?!?) at un uncivilized early hour to sit around, fill out paperwork, and stand in a couple lines. All done and home before 10 a.m. Yawn! Had to take a nap later in the day to recover.

And now, the bad news... The Navy scale gave me 6 lbs more than the scale at home. Which amazingly enough, is exactly the number of lbs I am out of standards. Too bad it didn't give me an extra inch of height to go with it. And since I was over the max weight for my height, the doc had to measure me. Which came up with the grotesque number of 38% boby fat. Holy Toledo! That is not a pretty number. And it is 5% too much. So I'm out of standards no matter how you look at it.

But perhaps this is not all bad. As you may have gathered from my Blob post, the weight thing is weighing on me again (get it - weighing on me! HaHa!). Anyway, I was good during Lent (better once I got my food journal going along with the no sugar thing). God was there helping me I think. Since then, though, my motivation has been low, even non-existent at times. This was what I needed to get me jumpstarted again. My food journal has printed. I did not snack so horribly yesterday. And I even prayed about it last night at church. Need to get God back on my side. :) (Yes, I know, he is always there. But why should he bother to help me if I have been ignoring him? Like I tell Felisa all the time - you just need to ask for help and I will help you. Once again, the parenting analogies used to "get it" when it comes to The Father. Beat it into me long enough, and I just might eventually understand.)

I'm a blob

Keep on going, and the chances are that you
will stumble on something, perhaps when you
are least expecting it. I never heard of anyone
ever stumbling on something sitting down.

~~~Charles F. Kettering


Was just thinking maybe I should blog. But about what? About how I feel like such a blob lately? Blob in many different ways. The most obvious being that I have gained weight again in the last month or two and am feeling bad about it and yet can't seem to find the energy to do anything about it. I have been going to class in the mornings but the food is killing me. Literally and figuratively.

Blob as in a melted blob of human. It is sooooooooooo *$&%*%(^ hot and humid here I feel as though each time I step outside I melt into a blob upon the sidewalk. Too hot to function.

Blob as in unable to muster the desire to do anything beyond shower and eat. And shop. But only if someone else is paying. Nothing even remotely productive has been accomplished this week nor does it seem likely that anything will be accomplished any time soon.

So the quote above seems appropriate. I just have to keep plugging away in hopes that eventually things will change and I will no longer be a blob. In any sense of the word.

Does eating cookies and watching TV count as "plugging away"?!?

The Trilobite Lives

and other random NY musings...

Elevator etiquette - isn't it funny how the unspoken rules are always followed. No one speaks, everyone faces the front. Fits nicely into my need for everyone to follow the rules. Gives off good vibes I tell you.

The show - Went to see I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change. Very funny. Interesting theater. A double-decker theater. One show downstairs and one show upstairs. We had the upstairs theater which was fun. It was a small theater and our seats were perfect (Ron says that's because we paid full price!). I really do like theater. It's different than movies. The actors appear to be looking right at you and there they were only a few yards away, right there in the flesh. One of the guys looked like Mark. Who we also think looks like Doogie Howser. Funny how we "see" him everywhere! Who knew Mark was so famous?!? One of my favorite scenes from the show was when the husband was sitting at the table just looking at his wife (who was reading the paper). She realizes he is staring and looks up and says "What?" Ron does the same thing (stares at me for no apparent reason) and I always say "What?" Of course then I tell him to stop staring because it makes me nervous. The wife in the play just smiled because she knew he was staring because he was thinking about how much he loves her. A lesson to be learned there?

Dining in NY - Yikes. Ran the whole gamut yesterday (and today). Started with a pre-show dinner at ESPN zone. There was a 20 minute wait but we didn't have time to wait so we sat at the bar. For 20 seconds. Then we left. But, we were there! Atmosphere was very American - loud, lots of TV screens, a bit chaotic.
Next stop, a Thai place a block from the theater. Quiet, decent food. While we were there we saw the waiter ask a couple to move to a different table mid-meal because he had screwed up by seating a second party at the end of a long set of tables for an incoming large party. He figured out the more appropriate solution though and asked the second party who hadn't ordered yet to move over. Then the waitress brought our food and spilled the hot red curry sauce all over Ron's lap. All over his brand new pants! He had dripped something onto his other pants the night before at TGIFs and luckily we had been to the clearance rack at TJMaxx and picked up 3 new pairs of pants for about $11 each. So he had a clean pair to bring to the city. But they sure didn't last long!
Next stop - post-show dinner at Chevy's. First we fought the crowds in Times Square looking for a place to eat. Found a brewery/chophouse but they weren't serving anymore so eventually we decided on Chevy's. Mostly out of desperation and crowd-induced exhaustion. There was a one-hour wait for a table so we opted for a bar. The host told us to sit anywhere except one empty table at the front that was reserved. So we found an empty table in the back corner. Then the host came and told us he already had people coming for that table. He did promise to find us a table in just a minute, which he did. We had a table, ordered dinnner. The salsa never arrived - apparently they ran out. We watched the table next to us wait about 5 minutes for soup spoons. The place was packed so we had to wait a long time for the food. It was good but we were both tired and I was definitely suffering from over-stimulation!
Next stop - breakfast at Jimmy's Diner. I had opted for coffee/danish from Starbucks but Ron wanted a big breakfast. He even said I could watch him while he ate a big breakfast. Ha Ha. So we found the diner. Quiet, decent looking place. Ordered breakfast. It came. I took a bite of my omelet then decided I should butter my toast before it cooled too much. As I finished that task and glanced down, there upon my plate was a very alive and crawling Trilobite bug. Ewwwww! So we called the waitress over and sent it back. I have worked in food service so I know that no matter how clean things are, bugs are around. No hard feelings. But no replacement breakfast either, thank you. As it turns out, I watched Ron as he ate his big breakfast. :) Afterwards we went on a search for Starbucks...

Last stop - Starbucks. The guy misunderstood my order and made me a raspberry ice coffee. So he had to redo it. Then a big stack of cups fell onto the floor while he was making my drink. And we only had a $50 bill and he barely had enough change. Feel bad about this stop - all of it was my fault! They didn't have any danishes that I wanted so we went back to Le Croissant Shop we had passed on the way out to breakfast. Yum - Rasperry Ice Mocha and chocolate croissant! Beets trilobite-seasoned ham and cheese omelets!

And the rest of this fabulous experience will have to wait. We want to hit the road to avoid as much traffic as possible as we head back to the beach.

Beach Blogging

So here I am on a stranger's wireless connection so I can blog... we used it earlier to get a hotel room and theater tickets tonight. Big night out in the Big City with NO KIDS!!! Woo hoo! We were supposed to go last night but Felisa was sick (bronchitis) so I took her to urgent care while Ron went to his race without me.

We were supposed to go to AC last night instead to make up for the missed trip north but no rooms to be had. Okay by me - I'm a Vegas girl. AC is a poor East Coast substitute.

Went to see DaVinci Code last night. Confusing for sure. I followed the main gist of the story but was having a hard time figuring out which people were on which team and how many teams there were. Decent flick though. Better than MI:3 which I don't care to see. I wanted to see RV but Ron said No Way! DVC seemed like a good compromise.

And what is it about NJ? There are so many weird things about this state I can't even begin to tell you. And the people. Either the beach attracts different types of people than I usually see in my day-to-day life or else everyone here is different. A special subsection - NJ people. Not sure which is true but either way... here's one example - the neighbors here that built a GIGANTO beach house next door (so big it requires 2 AC units). Several things they do/own that I dislike. Big LOUD boats (was that thunder or a boat?), big loud trucks, BIG scenery blocking house... and the mom has big ta-tas that are always about to pop right out of her scant bikini top. Yikes! I had an entire conversation with her last summer as I struggled to not stare. It was hard. I'm glad she is comfortable enough with herself to dress however she wants. I'm not glad I have to see it. Glad Ryan isn't any older or there could be trouble! There's a teenage girl also. I saw a thong yesterday but was too far away to tell from the back if it was the mom or the daughter.

I like our nice SMALL beach house. Sure I wish it was air-conditioned sometimes but we got a window unit for night-time or unbearable afternoons. Don't have to cool the whole house, just the living room or a bedroom. I couldn't live in the small space on a regular basis but it's nice for vacations. Sort of forces the family to spend time together rather than spreading to the four corners of the house. Hanging out on the back patio is great except when the mosquitos are biting. And catching crabs off our dock... I don't eat them but it's fun to check a couple times a day to see how many have been caught and if any of them have escaped.

We have a kayak as well. Father's Day gift I think for Emilio last year. The kids like to go for rides in it. I enjoy early morning or evening jaunts around the neighborhood canals. Reminds me of the glory days as Waterfront Director at Sky High Ranch. Those were canoes but this is nice too. And one of the best parts... quiet people power not LOUD polluting gas power.

Freckles... Ryan has the cutest little sprinkling of freckles across the top of his cheeks. Just the right amount. So far he hasn't become covered from head to toe like I am! I was sitting on the swing the other day, reading. After awhile I had to come in because my feet were burning. I noticed this morning after my shower that I have a few freckles on the top of my feet now. At least from far away the freckles make me look tan. Well more tan anyway. It's all relative. :)

And that's all I can think to ramble on about for now...

A Timeless Tale

Apparently my high school English teachers were correct when they said that Romeo and Juliet was a timeless tale. Ryan, who I'm pretty sure hasn't read any Shakespeare yet at the tender age of 6, was telling me all about the knight horses who got married. Apparently the blue horse and the red horse (blue and red are the colors of the blankets), even though on opposing teams (the Good Guys - blue and the Bad Guys - red), fell in love and had a secret wedding in the middle of the night. Now the Bad Guys are very mad because they don't have a horse anymore. Apparently they solved the problem by secretly adopting a dragon. I must say I don't remember the dragon from the original Romeo and Juliet but maybe it was edited out! In any case, the horse saga follows the main idea pretty closely I think. :)

Memories to Be

So over at The Big Yellow House (http://thebigyellowhouse.blogspot.com/) there is a post about remembering things that have happened and about how older people will often tell young mothers out in public, surrounded by baby monsters, I mean children, that these are the best years and we should enjoy them. One of the comments to the post came from a lady who had been told, "These years are much better as memories." Ah-ha! That must be what they are really trying to say, I think. And put that way it seems a lot better, a lot easier to understand and appreciate. Because as great as it may be to live 24/7 with these miracles of God/creatures from the black lagoon, the daily drudgery of laundry, cooking, dishes, etc. mixed in with emergencies (big head-to-toe blowout 3 seconds before walking out the door to church, children running away to Grandma's house down the street, being thrown up on repeatedly) it can be really hard to revel in it. And to think that this is as good as it gets is, quite frankly, depressing. But knowing that the power of time will smooth the rough edges and make the memories golden is comforting. So here's to all these great Memories To Be!

Not enough hours in the day

It seems lately that my recurring lament is "There are just not enough hours in the day." Never. Not one single day ever has enough hours to accomplish all that I feel called to do. Not enough for the "have to do", not enough for the "ought to do", and never enough for the "would be nice to do".

So... advice, anyone? How do I find the right combination of have-to, ought-to, and want-to to satisfy everyone, myself included?

I will leave you all to ponder that while I go wash the dishes... (definitely a have-to!)

It was destiny

Apparently Felisa was destined to fall on her head. After all, there have been several near misses and plenty of opportunity this week. I managed to keep her safe from herself until yesterday.

There we were at Staples, looking for toner for the laser printer. She has been giving Ryan strangle holds, I mean loving hugs, every time I stopped the cart. No sooner have I said, "Stop doing that. You're going to fall on your head," and she is flipping head first over the back of the cart, landing on her head/back. I still can't believe she actually did it. I don't think she can believe it either.

Many tears later, she is okay. She gets a little teary when forced to recount the episode for Daddy and Grandma D. "Fall head. Hurts lot," she says. Hopefully though the lesson will stick with her for awhile.

And there it is for all the world to see - proof that I let my baby fall on her head.

I give up

I give up. Let's call it a day and I'll head back to bed. The productivity levels of the previous two days were a fluke (yes I knew it was even at the time - tis the cycle of my life). And my mood today - oh boy. These kids will be lucky to survive until dinner time.

So far today...
-sleep in lasted only until 7:25. Better than 5:30 but not as good as 8:15.
- got shelf out of the car
- breakfast for the kids. Felisa had a screaming fit because I told her not to yell at me when asking for cereal. decided to feed her anyway.
-check email, edit yesterday's blog (forgot a couple things such as the spider bite that is itchy today)
-tell kids to get dressed
- shower and dress
- pry Ryan and Bella away from TV again to get library books packed up. Threatened no tv for the rest of the day if Bella didn't start helping
- finish getting ready
- pry all of them from the tv AGAIN to get shoes on and get out the door.
- get drinks for all, Ryan's backpack in case we are running late after errands and miss the bus, find AC Moore coupon (found 5 expired ones before finally uncovering this week's ad), get shopping bags, purse, load gas tank in case we go to home depot
- forgot to make Bailey go out so put her on the leash for a quick pee in the front
- bump head on car when leaning in to buckle Felisa's seatbelt. Figure this is NOT a good sign. Based on how my day has gone so far (as of this writing) I think I was right.
- head over to AC Moore
- Buy new 4th of July socks (yes the impulse bin at the front door caught me), 2 markers for client album, post extenders for client album, library pocket punch for card idea I have in mind.
- Nearly lose cart full of kids onto their heads when they decide to do a group hug with one standing in the back and one standing on the back bottom rail
- Back to car.
-Breakfast at McD's - maybe that will make me feel better. Have to park and wait for food. Not feeling better.
- Decide to skip Home Depot even though we will drive right past and probably do have enough time. Just not willing to deal with not being able to find what I want and having to wait for someone to open the gas tank cage. Oh and of course not willing to deal with dragging 3 kids around with me while already suffering.
- Go to library.
- Kids stay pretty close together and things are going fairly well until we get ready to check out. Felisa wants me to carry her so I tell Ryan and Bella to unload the bag while I get her into the sling. When I turn around again, they are putting books back into the bag on top of books that they never took out for the librarian. Apologize to librarian and figure out which is which. Felisa starts crying and thrashing because she wants to get down and help with the books. Stubborn streak kicks in and I let her kick and thrash and cry while I take care of the books. Luckily she doesn't fall out on her head.
- Back to the car. Felisa and I kiss and make up.
- Home at 10:40. Stick a fork in me, I'm DONE!!!!!!

New plan for today - Hide in my room or in my office. Finish up client's album to deliver later. Get Ryan to bus stop and home from school. Fix dinner. And nothing else. If we have no goals, then we cannot be disappointed when they are not accomplished, right?

Time for Bed

You know it's time for bed, time to give up and call it a day, when you scream at the kids for wanting to eat yogurt. In my defense, it is 8:30 p.m. and all of them have already eaten dinner and most of them have had at least one snack since then. Felisa ate 3 donut holes (Daddy Dom, the Entemanns delivery man who lives around the corner was out when they passed on their walk with Eleanor and he loaded them up - a box of individual carrot cakes for Eleanor (who gave them to us), a box of donut holes, a box of mini blueberry muffin packs, and a box of mini brownie packs. Oh the calories...) a mere 5 minutes before the request for yogurt. I've been up since 5:30 this morning and going non-stop ever since, and Ron isn't home yet. Some story about it being the last night of his class so they were all going out for dinner. And so I screamed NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when asked for yogurt. I could hear the crying/whining still several minutes later so I had to come downstairs (I wasn't even in bed yet though I wanted to be - I was folding laundry) to stop it. And there was Ryan eating yogurt in front of Felisa. Helloooooo!!! Why can't you give some to your sister? He said he couldn't reach the bowls to dish out from the big container of vanilla. He could, though, had he thought it through a little, given her instead one of the small containers of yogurt which he could clearly reach, since he was eating one himself. OR he could come upstairs and explain to me that Felisa wanted some vanilla yogurt and he needed help. But no. Ah well - such is life.

Yesterday was a productive day. Here is what I did (at least what I can still remember a whole day later!)
- wake up at 8:15 (I LOVE Tues/Thurs sleep-in days)
- Pick out suit for Ron
- feed kids (Cereal and milk)
- pick out a different suit for Ron (other one had bad hem in the pants)
- dishes/clean up kitchen
- laundry
- Give kids picnic lunch in back yard (PB&J)
- get Ryan to bus stop
- tie up clematis on trellis out front (actually remembered and completed task as requested!)
- plant green bean and green onion seeds.
-Hill up potatoes to encourage more tubers (checked the internet day before to figure out what to do).
-Take bucket of good dirt/mulch to back herb garden to help with the excessive clay soil there. - Empty kitchen compost crock into big bin. Use pitchfork to stir it all up in hopes of some day actually having compost to use in the garden.
- Work on album for client. Almost done...
- Send girls on nap walk with Grandma Duffield.
- Walk Bailey to school to pick up Ryan.
- Dinner (chicken thighs with balsamic onions + one chicken breast for the thigh-hating daddy)
- More laundry
- Pull weeds in front jungle, I mean garden - get a spider bite. OUCH that stung!
- wash dirt from everyone's hands - get us all into PJs
- Put Felisa to sleep
- Watch House (while putting Felisa to sleep - always multi-tasking don't you know!)
- Convince Ron that he wants to go to Taco Bell instead of me (since we both had PJs on and his looks more like clothes!)
- Make toast with grape jelly for snack.
- do not give in to taco temptation.
- Go to bed.
- Yell at Ryan and Bella for not being asleep yet. Make Ryan sleep on blanket on floor instead of on my feet.
- Watch Texas Ranch House while going to sleep.

Are you tired yet? Let's review today...
- Wake up at 5:23. Hit snooze button
- Wake up one minute later at 5:32. (I know this is more than a minute but it sure didn't seem like it!). Turn off alarm and actually get up.
- Tiptoe to bathroom to get ready for class
- Tiptoe downstairs to leave for class. Get Luna bar, refill water bottle, find keys to bike lock, find jacket, get house key, get bike helmet
- Go outside, thankful the sun is up so I can see what I'm doing. Unlock bikes. Move Ryan's bike out of the way. Get Ron's bike out of the corner, past the car and about 3 strollers.
- Ride to class
- Lift weights for 40 minutes, run for 20 minutes ( 1.25 mi or so)
- Ride bike home. BIG hill going UP on the way home - down is definitely better!
- Lock bikes back up
- Take garbage to curb
- Make lunch for Ryan (field trip today) and Bella (staying for lunch because Ryan gets out at 1 today)
- Convince Ron to take Ryan to school on his way to work
- Send playgroup email to change locations since this week's host has sick kid
- Pick out suit for Ron
- Shower and dress
- Take Bella to school
- Farmers Market - picked up yummy croissants, pumpkin whoopie pie, asparagus, strawberries, red pepper plants, and a cantalope plant
- Take back way to eye doctor to avoid accident scene passed on the way to the market
- Get check up- everything looks good. Yea! Contacts again full-time! Must remember to schedule consult for lasik
- Go home to get cell phone and call Allie. Go different way to avoid accident again and get stuck behind tree trimmers blocking the road. Go back to 123 and wait through traffic to other back road home
- call Allie to see if it is still a good time to pick up shelf unit and costco items
- go to Allie's house, telling Felisa every other block that we are not there yet and lots of townhouses and condos look just like john's house
- relax a few minutes then help Richard carry shelf unit down 3 flights of steps (keep in mind my legs are still sore from Monday's class and tired from today's class. arms are tired too)
- shelf fits in back of van - yippee!
- go to safeway to get groceries for self and Allie plus the all-important Starbucks Raspberry Ice Mocha
- go home to put groceries away
- tell Felisa she has time to watch one Dora episode before we go to pick up kids.
- speed walk to school because there wasn't really time to watch an entire episode after all and now we're late
- wait on front steps of school for field trip busses to return so not late after all. worry about being late to pick up Bella.
- Walk through hallways, pushing sleeping Felisa in stroller, through crowds of kindergarteners and chaperones to get backpack from class room
- sneak out back door then hoof it to Bella's school as quickly as Ryan can go.
- pick up Bella - again, not late after all. close though
- walk home pushing 2 girls in stroller - did I mention that it is uphill?!?
- stop to ask neighbor if we can have the tire she left on the curb. she says yes so I push heavy stroller up hill with one hand while lugging heavy tire with other hand.
- Finally make it home. Wondering what the tire is for? Supposed to help with mounding dirt for growing the potatoes. - Take it where you can get it, right?
- Put tire in garden - perfect fit!
- Unload sleeping Bella to her bed
- Unload sleeping Felisa to my bed
- Read chapter of Purpose-Driven Life while trying to convince Felisa to go back to sleep. Doesn't work
- Come downstairs to eat lunch before I pass out.
- Allie and boys arrive. Put Bailey away in my room for the duration of their visit.
- Show Allie my client's album while trying to add more refill pages - not enough post extensions. guess I'll have to go shopping tomorrow.
- Hang out with Allie while sorting/filing my scrapbook magazine pages of inspiration
- Send Felisa to Grandma Duffield's house. Continue sorting/filing.
- Get Felisa back, send Bella to Grandma's. Continue sorting/filing.
- Make spaghetti for dinner.
- Eat dinner. Clean up kitchen with Allie (and Matthew in sling!) and Felisa's help.
- Allie and boys take off for home
- Give kids dessert
- Help Felisa change to diaper/pajamas after her accident (pee pee in my unnerwear, she says)
- Start folding laundry.
- Bella comes back. Grandma D takes all 3 kids plus grand-dog Bailey for a puddle-jumping walk around the block while I continue folding laundry - they have to try out the new water socks Grandma bought earlier today.
-Kids come back wet and happy and change into PJs (except Felisa who was already wearing them - she just gets dry socks!)
- Try to convince Ryan to get library books together for tomorrow. doesn't work - too busy playing superheroes with Bella.
- Turn on Dora and give Felisa donut holes she asked for

And that brings us up to the point where this whole blog started... me screaming at kids asking for yogurt. Unreasonable, I know. But I'm tired. Really tired. Mostly just physically exhausted. And so now I will quit complaining (though really it was more list than complaint, I think, though you may beg to differ) and head to bed. I need my sleep for tomorrow's adventures. After Thursday morning sleep in of course...

On tap for tomorrow -
- unload shelf unit before Ron leaves for work
- find extension posts for client's album
- buy brown zig marker for client to add journalling to album
- return library books
- finish cards for another client to pick up in the afternoon
- stop at home depot for post extensions (this is a maybe - hoping to find what I need at AC Moore with the marker) but if I do stop I need trellises, tomato cages, and a refill for the gas grill. Definitely need to get shelf out of the van first (are you reading this Ron?)
- get Ryan to bus stop and home from school
- make dinner
- ???

Quote

Never give up what you want most for what you want at the moment.
- unknown

Square Cheese

Square cheese... you know, the American cheese slices that come individually wrapped. It came to be known by that name in our house to distinguish between cheese slices and string cheese. Square cheese is one of Bella's favorite snacks and just about the only way she gets any dairy/calcium! Bella likes to now fold it into four or sometimes more smaller squares then eat it while it is still folded/stacked. Felisa has also adopted this method after watching Big Sister Bella do it. I was watching them fold their cheese just now and it reminded me of how I used to also fold my cheese. The difference is that I would then peel off one layer at a time of the smaller pieces and eat them that way. I also loved to squish and fold white Wonder bread into the tiniest squares I could then peel away the flat-as-paper layers and eat them one at a time. Weird, I know. But if you know me, then you know that occasional (or frequent!) weirdness is to be expected!


And that's it for today's snack time dissertation... :)

7 miles!

Ron and Ryan have been going out for bike rides the last couple of days. Ryan told me this evening when they returned that tonight they rode 7 miles! Wow! Tres impressive!

Quote

"Let the wife make the husband glad to come home and let him make her sad to see him leave."
-Martin Luther

I was going to put this one in while Ron was gone and I was missing him but just never had a chance...

A house vs. a home

So what is that saying? Love makes a house a home. Or something along those lines anyway, I think. I was joking with the kids on the way home that I couldn't find the house; I didn't know where it was. Felisa piped up with, "At home."

"My house is at home?" I asked. (Sometimes it helps to clarify exactly what a 2-year old is trying to say by repeating back what you think you heard!)

"Yes," she said.

"Of course," I replied. "Where else would it be?"

The One-Handed Cheerleader Baby

I was just telling S yesterday how Felisa loves baby dolls. Bella likes her animal babies - Care Bear, Simba, Ginger... but isn't really into the baby dolls as much. Felisa on the other hand loves them! Yesterday she brought the two biggest ones with us in the car. This morning she made a discovery... the one-handed cheerleader baby. It was in the trash can in my "office". Some relative of mine (we always called her Grandma Goldie though I am unsure of the exact relation) made her for me. She is a crocheted cheerleader doll with a green and white outfit and an H on the chest. Her head is plastic with yellow yarn hair. Her hands are plastic also. So anyway, I have had this doll for many years now (since about age 10 probably). It has been in a plastic storage bin in the carport since we moved in. Also in this bin was my pictures of the trip to Europe when I was 16 and various award plaques (attendance award, etc) from school. The guilt of leaving those pictures in such precarious conditions eventually got to me so I brought it inside a couple months ago. The pictures are none worse for the wear (whew!). The cheerleader's left hand fell off. I haven't even unwrapped the plaques.

So what should I do with the broken doll? Should I save it because someone made it for me? Someone I didn't even know very well? I debated for awhile then decided to offer it on freecycle - maybe someone else could use a dusty green H cheerleader doll with a hand that tends to fall off. Then I wouldn' t feel bad because at least it was being loved by someone else. But - surprise, surprise! - there were no takers. So I decided to just go ahead and toss it. So there it was in the trash can in my corner waiting to go out (it has been there for a couple weeks already!) when Felisa spied it. And immediately adopted it as her own. And I suppose I am happy that someone is loving it. She definitely doesn't mind that the doll only has one hand and I don't mind that the doll still lives here after all. Though I may change my mind after I pick it up and put it away for the thousandth time... And as for those plaques... I have no idea what to do with them!

My next career

I think my next career will be... chicken butcher! They say you should learn something new everyday. Well, today I learned how to butcher a chicken. Or should I say, I made up a way of butchering chickens. The first one (of 5!) was definitely a hack job (get it - hack job! hee hee). By #5 I definitely had a method. Cut off arms (wings) - sure would hate to get one that fights back and punches me out with an arm! Cut in half along front. Cut off legs. Cut and pull and saw off breasts while trying to avoid spine and ribs. And there you have it - one butchered chicken (please infer both meanings of butchered!). The first one took at least half an hour. By the last one I had it down to 10 minutes or less.

And now you may be wondering why I needed to maim 5 chicken carcasses in one day. Well, let me tell you... It is my turn to cook for Gift of Peace house - 4 chickens worth - plus one for the family. The benefit to having so many to do at once is that I really was able to learn and adapt and generally figure it out. If I had only done one, I wouldn't have learned anything except that I NEVER want to do that again. Instead I decided that maybe it's not so bad once you get the hang of it and at 59cents/pound it's a good deal!

And now, the oven is beeping so off I go...

Personality Profile

Computer idiot that I am, I can't figure out how to get the fancy version of this so we'll go with the plain text version below. Seems pretty close considering it was a 30 question quiz.

***Your Five Factor Personality Profile***
Extroversion:
You have low extroversion. You are quiet and reserved in most social situations.A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you.You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people.
Conscientiousness:
You have medium conscientiousness.You're generally good at balancing work and play.When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.
Agreeableness:
You have high agreeableness.You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance.
Neuroticism:
You have low neuroticism.You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.
Openness to experience:
Your openness to new experiences is low.You're a pretty conservative person, and you favor what's socially acceptable.You think that change for novelty's sake is a very bad idea.While some may see this as boring, many see you as dependable and wise.
The Five Factor Personality Testhttp://www.blogthings.com/thefivefactorpersonalitytest/

He's coming back!

I thought for sure I had scared him aware permanently with all the whiny phone calls complaining about how sick everyone was and how tired I am and WHEN is he ever coming back...

But no... he called from the airport. He's on a plane right now.

Of course, he didn't say where the plane was headed... maybe he's not coming back!

Quote

"The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night's sleep."
-E. Joseph Cossman

In my own life, time after time, I have found this to be true. Everything is always better in the morning. Always better in the light of day.

First Gardening Failure of the Season

So I started a compost bin last fall. I've been adding things here and there but have been struggling to find enough carbon material to balance all my nitrogens. It has dried out a few times inside and it never seems hot like it is supposed to be. I checked it this afternoon for the first time in a month or two. I'm growing potatoes in there. Which I suppose is good news and bad news. Bad news because it's supposed to be hot and decaying not nurturing plants! Good news because apparently there are some nutrients in there and also good news because I had read somewhere that you could grow potatoes in a garbage can (which is similar to my rat-proof bin I bought). And now I have proof that it really can work!

Sick of being sick

So, what have we done since returning from vacation? Sit on my bed "watching" Dora with Felisa while I read the first 3 books of the Wagons West series by Dana Fuller Ross. I read the first 8 in high school and after 15 years I have finally officially decided that I really do want to own and read the entire collection. I have up through #9 plus a few others now after a couple trips to the used book store. If Felisa stays sick for much longer I'll be forced to venture out and buy more of them.

And now, Bailey, the Amazing Tissue-Eating Dog, has just struck again. Apparently disappointed that I did not share my cheeseburger with her and tired of being otherwise ignored, she decided to jump up on my bed and eat a tissue. Unfortunately for her she had to jump down from my bed, the thump of her landing giving away her secret. Grrrrr.... Dog.

And now I must get myself together for the oh-so-fun afternoon adventure of Take the Sick 2-Year Old to the Doctor. Yea, fun.

Home Sweet? Home

Well vacation is over - back to reality. Bella has had a relapse of IT. Fever yesterday again and lots of coughing. No swimming this afternoon but I feel bad because that means K has to miss too. Hopefully by next week we will be fully acclimated back to life here and back on schedule. Felisa has been whiny too for no particular reason. She was sneezing this morning so perhaps it is allergies. She slept from 5:30 last night until 0800 this morning so hopefully that will get her back in the correct time zone. Ryan has become a total night owl. Not sure if I can fix that one. Thursdays are more relaxed days over all. Plans for the day are dry cleaners, grocery store, and school for Ryan.

And speaking of school - better get everyone going...

Quote

This one is for you, S...

Quote of the Day: "Science has never drummed up quite as effective a tranquilizing agent as a sunny spring day." -W. Earl Hall

Suffering and Blessings

Good Friday... so far has been a good mix of suffering and blessings.

Blessings:
*Being here with family to celebrate Easter as well as Grandpa R's retirement and birthday. Spending time with Elena, Jared, and the boys.
*Having the opportunity to go on the Pilgrimage to Chimayo

Sufferings:
*11 long hot hard miles to Chimayo. Was able to carry the cross for about 1/4-1/2 miles total. The traffic and the crowds just grate on my nerves - I'd rather follow an 11-mile path of my own than walk along the busy road with thousands of others also walking and many, many cars driving (biggest turn-out in 5 years according to the news). Of course suffering is the name of the game today as we remember Jesus' sacrifice. Once we got to the church, we did not go inside because it was so crowded and the line to get in was too long. Perhaps we can go out in July when we come back this way. After walking all that way, I'd love to spend a few minutes inside. Without the throngs of people will be better. I have to say I was a bit turned off by the people selling icee's and cotton candy.
*Felisa is sick. Now it has settled in her chest, whatever IT is. So now I have a feverish, coughing, whiny baby on my hands. Ryan, however, does seem to be doing better today. Hopefully he won't have any other relapses.

Ron was interviewed by one of the local news channels while he was carrying the cross. I think he was chosen because our group had the largest cross! And of course he is good-looking as well - perfect for the 5:00 news! He made it on with a 2 second clip.

And now Felisa's crying can no longer be ignored so I'm off...

She's an Eggs-pert

Grandpa R was blowing eggs last night and Bella wanted to help. So he told her that should could crack the eggs this morning and help make scrambled eggs for breakfast. I was a little nervous of course but she did pretty well. First she just wanted to squeeze the egg so we showed her how to tap it and crack it a little on the side. Then she held it over the bowl and squeezed it - eggs and eggshells went flying! Most ended up in the bowl though. She tried again and before we could explain how to hold it and break it on the small crack she squeezed it again! Then she'd had enough so I guess Lesson 2 of cracking eggs will have to wait for another day...

Off to LA

Let's try this again. Stupid computer ate my post... No small problem when you are on dial-up!

We are off to LA tonight. Tomorrow is the Big Party - Grandpa R's retirement. Should be a good time. And based on our shopping trip to Costco last night we will be eating party leftovers for the rest of the week.

Ryan's fever came back. Not sure what's wrong with him exactly but sure has been a bummer of a vacation for him. Bella has been strangely healthy - the desert air must agree with her. She told me today that she likes the Alb house so maybe Grandpa will leave this one to her. I think Ryan gets the Beach house. Felisa has been sneezy and whiny. Claritin has helped a little for both of us.

Confession time... I went to Starbucks this morning. I couldn't decide whether or not to give in to the Temptation. So I said that I would go to whichever appeared first - Sonic or Starbucks. Starbucks was the winner. Which makes me the loser. Overall it was a pretty good Lent but I must try harder next year to resist the TEMPTATION! The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Isn't that how it goes? In this case the spirit was weak as well...

An airplane woke up her sneeze

Apparently an airplane flying over woke Bella up this morning. And she sneezed. Thanks to the dry desert air it was a bloody sneeze so she had to wash her hands and face. When I woke up later she told me that an airplane woke up her sneeze!

Last night was quite an adventure... Ron rode his bike home from the zoo the other day. On his ride through downtown Alb he thought it would be a nice place to go for dinner. So last night Jared and Elena went with us downtown while Grandma and Grandpa R took charge of the 5 munchkins. We stopped at the end of the "arts and entertainment district". We checked out one Italian place but it wasn't what we were looking for so we headed deeper into downtown. About 6 blocks later we are painfully aware of the plethora of biker dudes, muscle cars blaring and booming all around us. And not much else... no restaurants and not too many pedestrians. At one light a tire-burning and screeching contest began. Amidst the rancid rubber smoke smell we thought better of our decision to dine downtown and headed as quickly as possible back to the car. Just as we reach it, 3 cop cars come screaming down the street, sirens blaring, headed for where we had just been. We immediately jump in the car and head the opposite way as quickly as possible.

Back to our own neighborhood and dinner at a delicious wood-fire pizza place. Laughing about our little adventure and admitting to ourselves that perhaps we are old after all!

Thanks, Ron, for the suggestion and the ensuing adventure. But maybe next time we should let Jared and Elena suggest where to dine. :)

Oh joy - spring break!

Yea! We made it... We are all together again in Alb. enjoying a nice relaxing spring break with the family. The cousins are all getting along great and it is nice to see Elena and Jared again. I think Ron is bored already but vacation is hard for him. Ryan and Felisa have fevers but seem better than yesterday so hopefully will be over it soon.

Ron and I went on a short hike/walk through the desert yesterday morning. Saw a Gigantic rabbit/hare. Looked like a jackalope but without the horns. Maybe it was a cross between a rabbit and a fox. :) Made it out of the desert and found our way back home. I went out again this morning but stuck to the paved roads since I didn't have my fearless guide along. There are no sidewalks and lots of cactus so you have a choice... be run over by a car or be impaled by a cactus!

And now we all have to get ready for church, lunch at Fuddruckers, then ditch the kids/dads/grandpas and head for Michaels and the scrapbook store!

Rhino-ing and Painful Pennies

The girls and I met a family at the library about a month ago. They are new to Vienna (capitol hill and memphis prior to here) so we exchanged numbers. Yesterday we were finally all healthy enough for a playdate. While we were talking, Lynne taught me a new expression. Rhino-ing. Apparently a Rhinocerus will charge at something but if he catches a glimpse of something else off to the side, he will charge at that instead, having forgotten all about his original goal. Sounds like me. Every day. But now I have a fun name to call this syndrome of mine. Rhino-ing. Makes it sound more fun, don't you think?

And as for the painful pennies...
Ryan, Felisa, and I ventured to the bank today, heavily laden with the treasures of 3 very full piggy banks (brings back memories of lugging quarters to deposit back during my Disbo Days!), to deposit into the coin counting machine. One hour and 45 minutes later we were finally done. Apparently the coin counting machine was jamming on the pennies. Which we had a lot of. The two other men who were there to make a deposit had most, if not all, silver coins so they were able to make a deposit and move on. Not so for us. On the good side, this task is done (after about 6 months or so on the To Do list) and the piggy banks are back in place, ready for more. And the kids really were quite patient given the excruciatingly long amount of time we spent at the coin counter. And special thanks, too, to the angels that made sure there was no waiting when we went to the teller to deposit the bills. I'm not sure we would have survived waiting there as well. Our rewards - lollipops and Wendy's for lunch!

Quote

"The greatest gift you can give someone is time."
-Rick Warren, "The Purpose-Driven Life"

Flashbacks to Days as Disbo

I was just copying the checks that I got last weekend while vendoring the Cpr crop. It brought back memories of MANY hours spent making copies (front AND back!) of EVERY check I ever mailed in to deposit from the ship. It paid off though for that one deposit that disappeared. I didn't have to cough up the money from my own paycheck because I had proof!

Master of Disguise

It doesn't have to be elaborate to work...

Melissa left her sweatshirt here a few weeks ago because Ryan wanted to borrow it. This morning he decided to wear it. He went in to play with Felisa for a few minutes then came downstairs. Felisa came down a little later looking for Melissa. I managed to convince her that she had left her sweatshirt here after her last visit and was not actually here now.

Fast forward half an hour or so... Ryan is digging through the MegaBloks box looking for just the right piece when Bailey comes in from outside. She wags her tail and sniffs at his face. Yikes, he says! Bailey has long since been ignoring my kids - only likes new visitors! I told him that Bailey thought he was Melissa too! He laughed.

He' stalking himself!

A and I were talking over the back fence last night and the subject of the psycho robin came up. Apparently she's been getting a lot of window hits as well! This morning in my email, she sent me this link http://www.learner.org/jnorth/tm/robin/FAQHouses.html
I have included here the response that seemed most likely to be the problem. One of the other suggestions was that birds were just confused by the reflection of the outdoors. Given how our robin just STARES at us, this answer seems the most likely for our guy. Here's hoping those eggs hatch soon!

Q. Help! Every day for over a week a robin has been crashing into my glass patio door (or picture window, or car mirror). The window is getting smeared with droppings and blood, and I'm scared that the robin is going to hurt himself. What should I do?

A. Most robins that repeatedly crash into windows are territorial males. If a male sees his reflection in the glass, he thinks could be another male on his territory. Normally when one male robin intrudes on another's territory, he skulks around, and flies away when the actual holder of the territory approaches. Not so with a reflection! Every time your robin gets close to the window, that robin image also comes closer. When your robin assumes an aggressive stance, rather than turning tail and flying away, the image robin assumes an equally aggressive stance, and at every level of increasing aggression in your robin, his reflection matches it. Male robins spend a lot of time and energy keeping intruders away during the time the female is nest-building and incubating eggs. The only way you can help is to get rid of the image bird yourself, by breaking the reflection (without breaking the window!). Closing a curtain from within seldom works, because birds can see very well, so even a faint image is very evident to them. Taping paper or cardboard to the outside of the window can be unsightly, and destroys the whole purpose of having a window, but is 100% effective. Soaping the window from the outside can work, but you really need to cover the entire thing. One thing that sometimes works is to hang helium balloons from the window, tied to a two- or three-foot length of string (or longer) floating at just about the level the robin is focused on. For some reason, birds seem to fear helium balloons--I think because nothing they ever encounter in the natural world "falls up" so the movements seem very unpredictable. A rubber snake or plastic owl sometimes works, but birds often figure out within a day or two that they're fake.Once the baby robins hatch, your male will get so busy tending to their feeding and care that he will stop worrying about that phantom image of himself. Meanwhile, good luck!

Test

This is a test of the email blog-posting system. This is only a test.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

Next Year Will Be Different...

Every year at tax time (and Christmas!) I say that. Every year. Which means that it never really is different. At least not different enough to be noticeable.

I have been working on my taxes this morning. Phase 2. I did phase 1 a month or so ago then stalled over a missing notebook. Under threat from Ron I'm back to work.

Though I have gotten better about writing everything down, I need to do better. Very hard to reconstruct what happened in all of 2005 when I can't even remember what happened last week!

I have decided that I can make the most money overall with my scrapping for others business. There is more money per project. Of course there is a lot more time per project as well which must be factored in. I currently have one big album due in about 6 weeks and haven't progressed past photo sorting.

I can make money with Leaving Prints (though I didn't again this year) but again it takes time. There is that saying that it takes money to make money. Which is true. Equally true I have found that it takes time to make money!

There is a Leaving Prints training seminar in Philly in June. I want to go but it is midweek and the same week as my cursillo retreat which means I would be gone for a whole week. Definite child care issues there. One advantage to going to the LP seminar would be the LPU program. It is a series of classes that you can only teach if you have been trained at a seminar. So there aren't many, especially in the east. Which would increase my marketability. If I give the time it would take to teach the classes. I chose LP because there are so few consultants in my area. So I have a more unique product than say, the thousands of CM consultants out there. Just have to give it the TIME necessary to make anything happen.

I remember how I felt after the Sue DiFranco seminar - you can make LOTS of money if you target the higher income, dual career, no time to scrap it yourself people. But that felt exclusive to me. I think that everyone deserves a scrapbook - not just the richest people. Also I am in a yahoo group called scrap from your stash. Which is something else I would love to focus on. Not just the only-from-your-stash point of view but rather from the Let-me-help-you-get-it-done point of view, whatever that means, whether it by my scrapping services, my products, classes, crops, challenges (with prizes).

So that's today's reflection of my scrapbook job and where I am/where I'd like to go. Now I'd better get back to my taxes or else I'll be in big trouble!

Nobody in town likes pickles

Okay - I really have no idea what that means but I'm always searching for clever titles and that seemed like a good one. As usual, it was an unsolicited random comment from Bella. I really have no idea where she gets some of the things she says.

We just got home from Felisa's 2 year check up. Officially completely healthy. Always good to know. I thought Bella was completely healthy too but the doctor discovered her ASD at her 2 year check up. And now she is officially completely healthy as well. Bella was NOT happy about the shots that Felisa got (neither was Felisa, of course!) so I won't tell her now that she has to get shots before Kindergarten.

So I had a revelation earlier. At group on Monday I told C and S that I have been reading The Purpose Driven Life and that the last couple of chapters had seemed to me as though God was a puppeteer and we are all just his puppets. Which I know isn't true but I couldn't help feeling that way about what I was reading. Today I was thinking about my own kids. Why did I have kids? I'm really not sure exactly but the main reason is to love them. God is our father and he created us to love us, just as Ron and I created our 3 to love them. It's amazing to me sometimes how I can "get it" so much easier if I put it into terms of myself as a parent first then substitute God as the parent then next thing I know - Aha! Light bulb moments. So now maybe I'll go back and read those chapters with this new perspective and see if I can get a little more out of it.

And on that note, I need to tear the girls away from Dora so we can go get Ryan from school.

They're related...

Just opened the oven to put in the ham and what do I see??? A pizza stone left in there by none other than my darling husband. Same trick as his mom. I've learned though, to check the oven before I turn it on after her visits. She likes to put big pans in there to dry. Which is great except I've never done that so I don't always check before pre-heating! After 11 years I have learned and actually remember to check. Well, half the time anyway! :)

Muscle vs. Fat

Got this in an email article from our class trainer, Nathan...

"Personal fitness trainer Kelli Calabrese MS, CSCS, ACE, notes that every pound of muscle in our bodies burns 35 calories a day, while each pound of fat burns just 2 calories per day.
While 30 minutes of aerobic exercise may burn more calories than 30 minutes of weight training, Calabrese says, "in the hours following the cessation of exercise, the weight training has a longer-lasting effect on boosting metabolism."
Having extra muscle also means you can eat more and gain less. "

I thought the 35 calories vs. 2 calories was particularly interesting. I had never heard that before though I did know that in general having more muscle is good for the metabolism.

Just more random info in the never-ending battle of muscle vs. fat and will I EVER lose those 20 lbs again? At this point I would be ecstatic just to lose 5!

She Works Hard For Her Money

So I went to Cpr for a crop yesterday. Up at 0400. Home at 11 pm. Sold $90 worth of LP products. Got about 15 pages done in my own book. The song "She Works Hard For Her Money" was on the radio on the way home. Made me reflect a little on my Scrapbook Job.

1. I enjoy making scrapbooks. Mine and other people's.
2. I love ALL the products LP comes out with. I could make lots of pages with LP product but I have alot of other stuff here already to use first.
3. I like vendoring. It's no pressure sales. I have a captive audience of dedicated scrappers. They come to me. BUT I would do better if I were pushing the home parties as a follow-up. Of course that would require more time out of the house. A hard sell for Ron.
4. I could make more money doing a weekend drill once a month for the Navy. BUT I like scrapbooking so much more.

Lots to think about...

Quote

The Doctor of the Future will give NO Medicine, but will interest his patients in diet and nutrition, exercise and the care of the human frame. He will teach them about the cause of ALL disease.

-Thomas Edison

Another day wasted

Here it is, 3:30 on a Thursday. Last night before bed, as I surveyed the disaster otherwise known as my house, I thought - Okay. I have an entire day tomorrow without any plans. I will be able to clean this place up and make good progress on a few projects.

While the day is not over yet, I feel that I was overly optimistic last night. I feel as though I have done nothing today although if I review (brief pause while I investigate Ryan's report of a baby with no diaper and a bad smell... turns out to be a baby who shed her wet underwear in the hallway. When I asked her to take the wet undies to the diaper bucket she said "sgussing" That's Felisa-speak for disgusting. Makes me laugh everytime she says it!). Okay, back to the review of my day. I did the dishes. Washed 2 loads of laundry, dried one load, and folded and put away 3 loads. Got Ryan to the bus stop on time. Figured out what to make for dinner. Started my food journal again in hopes of actually losing weight sometime in the next months before I completely lose all hope (for those who don't know - when my eardrum ruptured 2 years ago I ended up with thrush. The nice side effect of all that was a weight loss of 40 lbs. I have since gained 20 lbs back. I started my exercise class in September (6 months ago) and have not gained or lost weight and my clothes still do not fit. I gave up sugar and Starbucks for lent (that's at least 500 calories a day right there). Still nothing. So I guess I need to look a little harder at how many calories are going in to my mouth. I hate counting calories - not something I've ever really done - but now I am. Counting calories and matching carbs/proteins in hopes of defeating the diabetes gene.) I skimmed through the South Beach Diet cookbook (nothing amazing there so back it goes to the library), and cleared out old emails from my inbox and caught up on downloading ecuts (scrapbook accents) for a grand total of over 1,000 emails down to just about 200. I decided what to offer as a door prize at Saturday's crop. I figured out which containers of LP supplies to bring.

So no amazing progress on any of the projects I had envisioned last night. But I guess not a complete waste of a day. I still have Ryan's swimming lessons this evening so that's another tally for the done column.

The Bird Stalker

There is a big fat robin that has been stalking us for a week now. I first saw him flying repeatedly into the garage window of my neighbor's house. He had to have flown into the window at least 20 times while I was outside. He finally flew away and I figured that was the last we'd see of that crazy bird. But no... later that day I heard him again. This time he was flying into the side window of our bedroom. Thump, thump, thump. What?!?! What is up with that bird?! Why does he keep flying into the window? Then he quit. So once again, I thought he was gone. But no... the next morning when the sun comes up... Thump, thump, thump. He's back. He's been here everyday for a week. A couple days ago, Ron and I saw him perched on the ledge at the top of our big bedroom window, looking in at us. Okay, now this is getting weird. He was on the ledge again this morning. I'm wondering who sent him and what he wants!

POP!

Well, it was all to no avail... sometime last night while I was sleeping... POP! Good-bye eardrum. I called in already and get to go back to the doctor this morning. Any bets on how long it will take?

I haven't eaten breakfast yet - I'm afraid of the loud chewing noise. :) I'm sure others have experienced a similar sensation, when you are congested and your ears feel all plugged up and you can hear yourself chewing. This however is about 20 times louder than that! And the shower... oh my gosh that's loud!

Bum Eardrum

Some people have a bad knee, or perhaps tennis elbow. I have a bum eardrum. Two years ago, seemingly out of nowhere, my left ear started to hurt. I ignored it at first. Then laid down for a nap. It just kept getting worse. Finally I broke down and called the doctor. My choices - drive an hour to the ER on base or wait until the next day for a regular appointment. I made the appointment and debated whether or not it was worth it to drive all the way over to the base. Next comes excruciating pain and tears. Then... Pop... no more pain. Of course I can't hear either but at least it doesn't hurt any more. So I go to the regular clinic the next day where I am diagnosed with a ruptured eardrum. This incident was just the beginning of the thrush rollercoaster that followed for the next 6 months but I'll save that story for another post.

And by now you are all wondering why I am writing about a ruptured eardrum from 2 years ago. Well, at about 4 this afternoon, once again coming out of nowhere - ear ache. Ouch! I have learned from the first time though that it most likely won't just go away on its own. So I check my Green Pharmacy book. It recommends immune system boosting (so I down a couple Echineacea gummy bears) and ephedra (so I take the last 2 sudafeds we have in the house). Back upstairs to rest until time for my meeting. Pain gets worse so I call the doctor (this time within 2 hours of onset, not 5 hours like last time - I'm learning!). The best they can do is a 9:30 p.m. appointment at the after hours clinic. We are with Kaiser now, not the military, so I only have to drive about 15 minutes to the clinic this time. I arrive on time. I am taken immediately in to get my vital signs recorded. This is where I make a BIG mistake. The nurse asks me my level of pain on a scale of 1-10. Well, the Tylenol dropped it down to a 4. Then by the time I headed out to my appointment, it had stopped hurting and I once again couldn't hear anything out of my left ear. So I told her that. Which apparently put me at the bottom of the triage list. I should have stuck with the original 6 that it was several hours earlier. Instead I spent one and a half hours sitting in the waiting room. Yawn! This is way past my bedtime. I just want to go home. After all, I figure it had already ruptured (even though I didn't get the Pop this time). But, I was already there and if I left, I'd just have to spend an hour or so the next day at the regular clinic. So I stayed. Turns out it hasn't ruptured - yet. Which would explain the abscence of the Pop. A prescription for antibiotics and a box of sudafed and I'm home free... time - 11:36 p.m. - and I'm on the road. So over 2 hours for about 10 minutes with the doc and 10 minutes waiting at the pharmacy. And since the only sudafed they had at the pharmacy was non-drowsy (though I think all sudafed is non-drowsy, really), I'm not sure how well I will sleep tonight regardless of how tired I am. Oh well. Such is life. I don't really want another rupture so I'll take the meds.

And so ends another day in the saga of my life...

By the Grace of God and Angels

S and her family were in a serious car accident last Saturday afternoon. From all accounts, it is amazing, even miraculous, that they escaped with as little injury as they did. Fortunately, the friend they were going to visit was only a 3-4 hour drive away and he was able to go to N to help take care of them all. Meanwhile, the rest of us back home just prayed for their recovery. It was so hard to not be able to DO anything to help them. Now they are back home. Or so I have heard through the grapevine. So now I just have to exercise patience. I want to call and find out in person that they are here, to say Welcome Back, to find out what we can do now to help the recovery/healing efforts. But I don't want to disturb the much-needed rest time. I at least heard from another friend that they are indeed back, so I no longer have to wonder and worry. Of course, we heard about the accident almost right away on Saturday, so no news is good news, right? I just kept telling myself that last night and this morning. Heck, I even took the phone to the shower with me so I wouldn't miss her "We're back" call! S must have taken the good, STRONG meds finally and forgot all about the rest of the world while she got some well-deserved rest. :)

And so life goes on...

Good-bye Rat's Nest (I hope)

So today is a big day... Felisa had her first official haircut. I have trimmed her bangs several times but hadn't touched the back yet. I hate to see those baby curls disappear but her hair is just a big, tangled mess of a rat's nest every morning when she wakes up! Hopefully this will help the situation. Both girls had a haircut today and neither one cried or fussed or wiggled - yea! And a lollipop at the end... :) And fortunately I had my camera in my purse with an extra roll of film. I had planned for Bella's haircut but Felisa wanted one too. So now I just have to make the scrapbook page... Don't hold your breath, though. I still haven't scrapped Bella's first official haircut yet!

Quote

"The only way to get along is to take the world as you find it and make the best of it."
-Julia Dent Grant, wife of Ulysses S. Grant

On deific inclination

If you feel so inclined as to consult your deity of choice on the topic of P's recovery,we'll all be quite grateful.

(And, if you have a few extra moments while deifically consulting--should you feel so inclined--I'm sure C's parents would also appreciate a good word.)

These two lines came in an email from one of my yahoo groups. I do not know the sender. The email was about a new baby and the heart murmur that was detected after birth and the ensuing time in ICU.

In this day and age, God is a hot topic. Whether or not people believe in him and whether or not it is appropriate to mention his existance in the presence of others. Political correctness and all that jazz. Don't forget - you might be infringing on others' rights to not hear about God. Which in turn infringes on your rights TO hear about God. Pretty much a never-ending no-win battle.

One weekend in college, we were able to attend an open house at the B'hai Temple near campus. Ever since then I have been a fan of the B'Hai beliefs. Hopefully saying that won't get me kicked out of the Catholic club. But really, their belief that all of the various key religious figures around the world (Jesus, Buddha, the Morman guy-can't remember his name, etc.) are all just prophets and messengers from the ONE GOD above. I guess it just resonates with my all-inclusive-why-can't-we-all-just-work-together-and-get-along personality.

Sleeping 5 across

Buying a king size bed when we first moved here almost 6 years ago (wow - has it really been that long? I think that is a lifetime record for living in one place) was one of the best investments ever. Last night we were once again sleeping 5 across. I think 5 might really be the max capacity however because that leaves me hanging on the edge. And then there is the 5 a.m. neck assault compliments of Felisa. For some reason she has adopted my neck as her security blanket. Every night when she is ready to fall asleep, she curls up next to me and raises one hand to rest against my neck. I have no idea where this came from but she will struggle to fall asleep any other way. Once she's asleep, I can take it off and scoot her over to her own pillow. But about 5 a.m. every morning she starts again. Making strange sucking noises with her mouth (I think this may be the beginnings of another tooth grinder) and caressing my neck. Which makes it very hard for me to sleep. I try to convince her that touching my hand is just as good - skin to skin contact - but she doesn't always go for it. Also makes it hard to sneak out of bed at 5:30 for class when she is actively grabbing my neck. Awake enough to know if I leave but yet still asleep.

Who knows why they do the things they do?!?

Quote

"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday." -Don Marquis

Sage advice

A good friend of mine in the Navy, C, was from a family of 9 kids. Bella is named after C. I recently emailed C's mom for some advice on keeping a family going and happy. This is what she said. It seemed good enough to post here and share with others...

I can’t tell you much about raising large families except that you have to learn to “roll with the punches.” This means don’t get too hot and bothered about what is happening today; it will more than likely be all over by tomorrow. Sit calmly and let them grow up on their own as much as possible. Don’t expect their lives or yours to be perfect; it just ain’t going to be that way. Don’t be ashamed of a messy house; there will be time to keep it clean later. And most important, don’t try to do too much. The kids don’t need to be involved in a thousand things, are better off and learn more by playing with each other than in being a part of any organized sport or activity. Don’t feel they need everything they ask for; try to keep the number of things they have to a minimum. But every once in a while, splurge and buy them something very special that they can really treasure.

Grandma R said...

So Bella, Felisa, and K are playing outside in the backyard. S and I asked both big girls to go potty before they went out but they didn't want to. About 30 minutes later, here comes Bella. "Mommy, I hadded an accident." At which point I said, "That's why we wanted you to go potty before you went outside." The reply...

"Weeellllll.... Grandma R said that if you are outside, it's okay to go pee pee on the trees but I tried and the pee pee goes back and forth."

What can you say to that? I suggested that perhaps when she is in her own backyard and the bathroom is close by she should just use the bathroom. And now I know that we need to practice our peeing on bushes skills one of these days... :)

Doodling through Dora

Dora is on so I'll take a few moments to blog about while Felisa watches. Bella is napping - good news for now, not so good news come 10:00 tonight! Ryan is playing games on the computer. Hopefully his brain won't rot out of his head. Ron isn't home yet but hopefully soon. Of course dinner is ready on time tonight when he's not here and was late last night when he was home early. Guess that's what chips and salsa are for... before dinner snacks!

I love the internet... I decided last night that I needed to do something with the chicken left over from dinner - a whole chicken so I could make stock (NOT!) or I could try soup, maybe having better luck than with straight up stock. I also had some spinach left so I went to google and looked for a creamy spinach chicken soup. Found 2 possibilities right away. I love that I can go online, type in a couple key ingredients, and come up with something new to try for dinner, in a matter of minutes. I decided to go with the Creamy Lemon Spinach Soup. Sounded easier and I had all the ingredients. I was missing one or two things from the other recipe though I could have faked it easily enough. I also chose this one because I thought Ron might like it better. The other one was very rich and cheesy - definitely the one I would like better! I haven't tasted the soup yet but I'm a little concerned about the raw egg that was whisked in at the end. Can egg be fully cooked without becoming solid? Oh well - didn't we all used to drink Orange Julius by the cupful without any problems?!

I had a "miss my Mom" moment this afternoon. Our neighbor across the street has just retired. Her daughter was home from school (spring break, perhaps?) and they were bringing a bunch of trash out to the curb for tomorrow's pick-up so it looks as though they have been clearing out/spring cleaning. I have enjoyed work time in the past with my mom, though certainly not with the appreciation it deserved in my teen years. It couldn't have been all bad though, because the memories that remain are good. I specifically remember driving up and down Ute Pass several times each Saturday for several Saturdays each fall, hauling firewood. My dad and brother stayed at the Forest Service site cutting trees while Mom and I loaded, drove, and unloaded. I also remember fondly the time spent in Salinas just before Ryan was born. I had finished work (was on Maternity/Terminal Leave) and Ron was traveling for school so Mom came out to stay with me. A couple weeks to just hang out, completing odd projects, watching movies, and even Thanksgiving Dinner for 2!

Sometimes I wish my parents lived closer. The kids would of course have more time with them but also I could do things like cook for them and go for walks. Of course, life being what it is, I probably wouldn't spend as much time as I think I would doing those things. Why is it that the closer we live to someone (family and family friends), the less often we see each other? We live so close that it would be easy to plan get togethers but then we just don't. We have never lived close to family though so I don't know if it would be different for me or not, different than what I have experienced by watching others.

Bella said the sweetest thing the other day. She told Grandma D that even when she grows up, she will still be hers. Completely unsolicited and I know it made E feel great.

And now that I have the time to write, I have completely forgotten everything I had to say. Oh well - maybe next time. Dora is almost over anyway...

The Response

Apparently Ron has been harboring a secret desire for more kids. I asked him about our pre-Felisa discussions when he was voting for 3. How come he said 3 then and now he says 4 or 5? His response... can't get to 4 unless you first get to 3. Good point.

Ron did add another wrinkle to ponder... adoption. Which we have discussed before from time to time. And so now I must spend another entire day fixated on the subject of To Baby or Not To Baby (and If So, Then How?).

Stand by for more episodes of To Baby or Not To Baby...

It's baaaaccckkkkk....

That nagging desire to have another baby. I have debated and wondered, wondered and debated, pondered, wondered and dreamed for almost a year now (perhaps even longer!)... should we or shouldn't we? How does one make such a huge decision? I learned with Felisa that I must be more certain in my intentions, or else God may decide for me! I just don't know. One day I feel like having another one and the next I think there is no way I could ever handle it. I have even asked friends how to decide (not to make the decision for me, of course) because I could use a little advice as to how to go about deciding. Kind of like learning a math equation... a squared + b squared - the square root of c = # of children. Someone just needs to share the magical equation with me so I can solve for X!

I read a few books lately - Girlfriend's Guide to Getting Your Groove Back by Vicky Iovine and Woman First, Family Always by Kathy Sansone. Searching for that elusive answer of what's next. Is this it? Basically what I came away with was, this is as good as it gets. Daily activities change as the children get older but there is no magical appearance of more time to myself and a cleaner house. It's all in the attitude. So I resolve to have a good attitude about my life, such that it is (most days anyway! :) ) and just do the best I can. It will be over before I know it and I'll be like all those other older mothers out there - wondering where the time went.

So here are some key questions...
**Knowing that I am a slob, can I live like this the rest of my life (or the next 18 years anyway...) - having another kid will make it worse not better.
**Knowing how poorly I deal with noise, can I handle that much more? I have been pondering the noise issue of late - I think it relates to my Wind Issue in that I don't deal well with the relentlessness of it and that I cannot control it to make it stop. So I don't like loud noises (no matter how short in duration) and I don't like continuous noises. Can I really survive in a house with 4 kids, a dog, and associated playmates?
**Knowing the constant neediness that already exists here, do I have it in me to be needed that much more? Someone always wants something, which is bad enough in and of itself. But when EVERYONE needs EVERYTHING at the exact same time, I tend to go off the deep end! How much more neediness would come with Baby #4? I know, A LOT, at the beginning but will it taper off to a manageable level by age 2? Or am I dooming myself to life in the deep end?

Someone once told me... there will always be a last child. Will your second be the last or the tenth? Either way there is always a last so you just have to decide how many kids you can handle then let the last be the last.

Somebody help me!!!

Another quote

"Always watch where you are going. Otherwise, you may step on a piece of the Forest that was left out by mistake."
-A.A. Milne, Pooh's Little Instruction Book

Quote

There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort.
-Jane Austen

The Mess Fairy

So I just read Fritz and the Mess Fairy by Rosemary Wells to the kids. I can so identify with Fritz! He leaves a mess everywhere he goes. One night the Mess Fairy comes and makes a BIG mess (science experiment gone bad) so he reverses the experiment and gets rid of her. He feels bad about the mess he made all over the house that day so he stays up the rest of the night cleaning. In celebration of his accomplishment he decides to make breakfast in bed for his family that he loves. And in the process, creates another big mess.

Just like me - good intentions mixed with a slobbish tendency and the mess wins out!

Fasting

Fasting stinks... and I stink at fasting! After a couple years in the "club" I have come to know this well so now I have a back-up plan. I still fast from food as best I can. My food intake yesterday (Ash Wednesday) was definitely less than on a regular day, but certainly more than could qualify as true fasting. Hence the backup plan! I also fast from TV/Radio/Internet. I did watch one program last night (well half of it anyway, before I fell asleep - probably weak from imagined hunger!) and about 3-4 times scanned my email inbox(but didn't open any messages!)to see if there was anything immediately important (and of course there wasn't!). But I figure these small lapses could count as the two snacks and one small meal allowed in the latest fasting rules.

Ryan is old enough now to know a little more about what is going on and act as a watchdog... I was making scrambled eggs for breakfast (no sugar for me!). Ryan asks, I thought no food during the day?! I told him that was yesterday. Oh, he says. Well, then, since it is only one day you can have starbucks now! Ahhh... but that part of the sacrifice lasts all the way until Easter, I tell him. So confusing, I know. But eventually he'll have it all figured out and in the meantime he is helping me stay true to my promises, whether I like it or not! And he figured out the starbucks thing just from listening in on my conversations - I hadn't told him directly. Why is it that they only listen when they're not supposed to?!?!

Cookie Crisp... I LOVE Cookie Crisp cereal. Growing up, our family could devour an entire box in one day (or less!). I bought a box a couple weeks ago and we opened it this morning. Oh how I wanted to eat some - just one little cookie - just a taste. But no - I must stay strong. It is only the second day after all. Of course having Felisa sitting on my lap at this exact moment, eating Cookie Crisp isn't helping! I can smell it... I want it!